Mostly about Thamizh Movies.

Movie Review - Aadhavan

2009-10-26T07:56:00.000-07:00

Aadhavan is a movie that makes you appreciate the good points of a T. Rajendar movie. You might now wonder what made me say that. Well for one thing, T Rajendar movies reek of shitloads of effort. But try however he might... his movies always suck donkey dong. Aadhavan sucks the dong of that T Rajendar movie. That is how bad it is. Almost like the creators did not want the movie to exist. Lacks effort totally.

There can be no excuse for such a movie. It is a rehashed story. It has rehashed songs from Satyam and Ayan. It has songs shot in similar locations and are also similarly photo shopped. It has Surya in a similar role performing the same stunt sequences in just a different zip code. To top it all, the original and the remix were spaced less than 6 months apart, with no buffer Surya movie in between.

Surya looks boring. I feel he has realized his potential... and is contemplating going the Vijay way. Why would he want to do similar movies 6 months apart if he wants to be considered a decent actor? I support the decision to go the Vijay Way if that is the case.

The Surya as a ten year old... gimmick... comes off well in the sense that it is technically close to perfect. He already has a young face and a little airbrushing removed hair and make him look young. KSR has learnt a bit from the UN while making 10vatharam in making the body proportions right.

Vadivel tries to save the movie. Almost does it. his sense of timing is approaching the Gounder's. Good... and he makes us happy. Ramesh Khanna's role had initially been that of a director. He is not a second comedian. Anyone know why he was demoted ?

Saroja Devi and Nayanthara both look stupid in their roles. 9thara looks more and more like a Thai transvestite. Saroja Devi need not have demeaned herself in this movie. A definite avoid but this warning is probably late. 90% of the population has already watched this travesty. Chennai should get over this craze to watch any movie in the first week.

Unnaipol Oruvan - An interview on Vijay TV

2009-10-04T01:50:00.001-07:00

So there was this program on Vijay TV. The title had liberal splatterings of words like ulagam, sagaptham and varalaaru. Of course it had to do with the Ulaganaayagan if you had not guessed that already. The program had people posing questions about his movies and beliefs... expecting candid answers. He usually answers one question with another question. (He feels that this makes him sound smart). But this time he actually answered. It gave me an opportunity to see how confused he actually is.

There was a person who asked him why he had the beard in UPO. His said it was his statement against gross generalizations... that not all bearded guys were Muslims. Yet, he does not have any problem in having as a hero and a teacher, a certain someone who grossly generalized all brahmins as slave traders and all theists as barbarian fools. Hypocrite!

And then there was this question about being brave. He eloquently said the exhibition of Ahimsa is the ultimate form of bravery... and he is trying to be brave. Wow. A film star who is brave in real life too? Lets see how brave.

There was another obvious question about 'Saving Thamizh'. He apparently has very strong opinions on this. He said even learned brahmin ladies would substitute 'sha' for a 'sa'.. as in 'Shaptacha' for 'Saptacha'. This apparently is some sort of travesty in the thamizh world. Very brave I should say... to pick on ladies... right?

A less brave person would have picked on a certain political stalwart who does not even know to pronounce 'zha'. He says "Tamilukkaga Vaalndhu, Thamilukkaga Ulaithu"... AND still manage to get 8.5% of Thamizh votes. Haasar is not a brave person. He is not what he thinks he is.

Haasar... with respect... the guy who has put in 50 years of film service, is no philosopher. He is not even a great thinker as many purport him to be. He is just the above average actor, who can make us laugh... a LOT... and only if he teams up with Crazy Mohan. He is definitely confused... nothing wrong with that is there ? But the point is confused men and their opinions must never be taken seriously. Just enjoy them. Like you would enjoy Vasool Raaja.

Movie Review - Terminator Salvation

2009-07-06T23:54:00.000-07:00

As a rule, I avoid writing English movie reviews unless I either hate or love the movie exceptionally. Terminator 4 is abyssmal. I remember people getting all excited up about Christian Bale becoming part of one more superhero franchise, but then to all those people... bad luck.

With the Terminator franchise already being squeezed to nothingness, I thought the director / story-writers would have come up with something exceptional, either in terms of story or cast to garner some interest. T3 had a woman terminator which drew in a lot of interest. More importantly, it had Sivajinagar in a come-back role. T4 has nothing even remotely interesting, except of course Christian Bale.

He seems disinterested, and is playing Batman yet again with those intense expressions that he uses when he is trying to decide between lime juice and orange juice... it kind of bores you. How did Nick Stahl become Christian Bale? The guy who plays the human robot with a human heart that somehow seems to fuel a computer brain. Or what ? Well, if a pacemaker can control a human heart... why not...? right ? The human heart that controls a machine body can ALSO be donated to another human who would then use it to control a human body. ?? What ??

Story? What is the use of killing Christian Bale, if Skynet already has his yet to be father? Skynet can kill the Bale's father instead, and hence wipe Christian Bale even before he came into existence? There are just so many glaring holes in the story that you can drive one of those hunter - killers through it withing scratching its sides. The entire premise behind the movie sounds so terrible, that the line "The end begins" sounds prophetic. I feel this will be the last of the Terminator movies.

The only thing that was exceptionally good in the movie was Moon Bloodgood's name. She is the only person in the world whose name has three 'oo's sounds. Also Bryce Capricorn Dallas Einstein Howard... doesn't her name sound like an attendance register? Well, I am interested in finding out where she got her make up samaan when the world has been decimated by a nuclear war.

Avoid it. Watch Maayandi Kudumbathinar instead.

Movie REview - Kulir 100

2009-06-15T05:03:00.000-07:00

It happenned with Sakkarakatti, and now it has happened again with Kulir 100. Thamizh audiences have no trouble with cliches. They can handle the same Vijay movie remade a dozen times and even watch each one at least twice. But you know why that is ? The characters are hackneyed and the setting is identifiable.

Kulir 100, has neither of these. Even though the principal character had the makings of any normal Tamil hero... (slightly uncouth, value friendship, mother worship, aggression... ) the rest of the characters saving his close friend, are caricatures. Unidirectional and completely unidentifiable. So, immediately there is a feeling of aversion that is felt towards the hoity toity.

To make matters worse, the entire story is set in an unrealistic environment. Half the theatre walked out by the time any seriousness got into the movie, understandably.

The story is about an inherently aggressive guy being sent to a boarding school. He develops a few friendships and a few enemies. Gets ragged, falls into love with a crackpot, fights with some overly villainous seniors. The tragedy is senseless, and reeks of desperation on the story writer's part. She just wanted something to happen in an otherwise plain-vanilla storyline. The finale re-confirms this opinion, and you walk out of the theatre with tired smirk.

The good things? Music is passable. Bobo Susi, I feel is the industry's new Iman. He is sure to make music for a few Arjun movies in the near future. The movie is short, in spite of the 5 songs. Location location location... I would have liked to see some wild life. A very ordinary movie trussed up to look like something special. The hype does not hold even for 10 minutes into the movie.

Movie Review - Kha (Ghaja)

2009-05-26T02:08:00.000-07:00

As the movie title says, Kha does not stand for Ghaja.. it should be Gha for Ghaja... but as Thamizh does not know the difference between Kha and Gha, it cannot be found fault with.

Kha for Ghaja starts with a bang... not the bang that you hear during Diwali, but the bang that you have accounts in. The hero is not shown for the first few minutes.. (director's fear ofcourse... but why fear the inevitable?). The robbery goes as planned and we are shown the beast responsible. VNR (The non de plume of the writer / actor / director / audience) for this magnum opus may never want the populace to know its expansion... but nevertheless fills the screen for the first time. To borrow an expression.. "What chas been seen, cannot be unseen". I would not even hire the auto, if he was an auto driver. Let alone watch his movie.

I have a theory about such movies. See, there are areas in and around Chennai city that have increased in property value a few thousand times. Like for example, some land near Vedandhangal, which no self respecting Chennaiite would even throw garbage on, has increased from 10 paisa per square foot to 3000 psqft. So there are guys who have 30 acres of land here do ? They sell the land, and make Kollywood movies with that money.

They have their disproportionately overgrown sons cavorting around with heroines who look like Ennatha Kannayya in drag. They have storylines that will appeal only to BA history students in Pachayappa's Kalloori... and that too only in the afternoons. They release it in theaters whose seats are fossilized cockroach ejaculations and whose owners use the theaters as tax shelters for the tea shop they have outside the theater.

Ka (Ghaja) is the king of all such movies. I think the guy's father sold the land that not even a cow would piss on... for a few crores, built a hideous looking bungalow, painted it dark magenta and made this movie out of the savings got by painting the inside of the house Agsarcem's Gobi Kalar. Watch this movie if the only other option you have is to spend your time in Bricktop's pigsty.

Movie Review - Mariyadhai

2009-04-28T02:38:00.000-07:00

Why is Mariyadhai like IPL 2?

What do you expect in a VJkanth movie? He has to be a police officer/RAW official/CBI honcho. There has to be a humongous entry fight with a seething captain making 3 lorries spontaneously combust by just looking at their gas tanks. It should have a few gratuitous mentions of Baagisdaan Theeviravadhigal, bees with radio collars that can obey only captain's eye commands and spectacular stunt sequences with captain and victims jumping across continents. And ofcourse a bevy of big-busted heroines irrelevant to the storyline, being charmed out of their clothes by a scorching hot captain.

But then we get Mariyadhai, an excuse for a Vijayakanth Movie... pretty much like IPL season 2 goes for a 'Cricket Tournament'. Imagine Vanathai Pole (The most aggressive thing in that movie was captain's ear hair...), Then imagine Vanathai Pole written by Mahatma Gandhi. That is Mariyadhai. Sad but true... a movie that was released just for sake of the election, and nothing else. Pretty much like IPL was scheduled in South Africa just because of the elections in India. An inefficient, apathetic exercise that fails to inspire even an iota of fervor in the average cricket lover.

Mariyadhai is so bad, that Captain is played down to the extent that the two heroines collectively aggregate more screen time than both his roles. Both heroines are deeply involved in the storyline and are not treated like how a dog treats a lamp-post. Captain's senior role does not even have nose hair... forget ear hair! Captain junior even wears white instead of his usual shades and wear a dhupatta (!!!!) in his love songs. No coolers... no gel... no long coats.. and no bling. The blasphemy! The only thing that hints at the captain we know is when he muscles in a few b-boy moves in the dance with the jasmine girl... in some far eastern country.

Do not watch this movie if you are the average Vijayakanth fan. Captain has been reduced to just a caption... in Comic sans, size 7, pale pink colour. At the end of the movie I felt the only parigaaram for making this movie would be for Gautham Menon to direct Vijayakanth in an inter-gallactic cop thriller. Maybe GM can finish his Cop Trilogy with that idea. But then we don't live in Utopia !! We have IPL2 :-(.

Where do we all go wrong?

2009-04-07T22:03:00.000-07:00

Essentially the problem in the world is that people take themselves way too seriously. Why do you think there are terrorists bombing buildings? Why are they taking other people hostage? WHy do they demand the realease of other people if the first group of people have to be released? They take themselves, their beliefs, and that people around them way too seriously. They also seem to be thinking that what they are doing is something unique and if they do not do it, no-one else would. Some form of self-aggrandization.

Some people seem to think, teaching each religous group the importance of the other religion / group is going to solve this problem. For example, most of the commentators on TV talk shows recommend teaching the Muslim about Christianity or the Hindu about Islam, is going to reduce tension between the three of them. I disagree. The only valuable lesson that can be taught is that people are always going disagree with each other. They have to be taught that Muslims and Christians have always been fighting. So have the Hindus and Muslims, and so also Greeks and Hindus and before that Hindus and Jains... and before that Shivites and Vaishnavites and around the same time, the HIndus and the Bhuddists. We hence tell people that what they are doign is not goign to change the world. Maybe it would teach them whta they are doing is in no way unique. It is not going to change the world. They would be better off just quitting frightening people and focussing on their own lives.

That has to be focussed on more, rather than repeatedly saying "Islam stands for Peace in Urdu" or "Hindusims is an all accepting way of life". We are just burying our heads in the sand if we continue saying that.

The irony in TN politics

2009-03-28T05:10:00.000-07:00

Did you know that?

Grumbling about lack of walking space does not prevent people from buying stuff from platform vendors in Pondy Bazaar
People don't see anything wrong in continuing to vote based on perceptions of now dead people generated 30 years ago
The deciding factor of elections has been the number of freebies being distributed by political parties
Every election result for almost 20 years has only been anti-establishment, and that no party has ever come back into power
There has never been any clear distinction between 'party policies' in spite of TN election scene almost being a two party system
The home minister is required to make a statement that "Indian elections are more important than IPL"
Educated people actively discuss and Kalakka Povadhu Yaaru on humour message boards
Madan Pop is considered to be among the stalwarts of Thamizh comedy

If this is the way the average thamizhian thinks, then there is no way in which he is going to realize that the irony in,

Jayalalitha making statements against the LTTE, yet having VaiKo who is the biggest LTTE sympathizer in her kootani
Mu Ka, writing poems about LTTE commandos, having Congress whose last good leader was killed by the LTTE in the kootani
Vijayakanth having considered alliances with both Jayalalitha and Mu Ka, in spite of bursting into the political scene through lambasting both of them
An election from a Thamizhians POV has now become a process of rejection of one party

Ayan - Ayanian - Ayanic - Ayanerrific.. some Ayanisis

2009-03-23T03:23:00.000-07:00

Ayanian	The average Ayangelist
Ayanosphere	The diaspora of Ayanians
Ayanic	Anything that resembles Ayan in mind, body or spirit
Ayanesque	The innate Ayanic quality resident in any artistic creation
Ayangoria	The euphoria of watching Ayan for the first time
Ayaniac	The person under the influence of Ayangoria
Ayanthem	The song on all Ayanian lips
Ayantriotic	The fervent affinity towards anything that is Ayan
Ayangolia	Country formed by Ayanians
Ayangora	Capital city of Ayangolia
Ayancracy	The system of government of formed by the Ayanian
Ayan Exchange	The stock market in Ayangora
Ayanary	The official bird of Ayangolia
Ayaninary	The seminary of the Ayanian
Ayanostle	The apostle spreading the word of Ayan
Ayanade	A drink sponsored by Ayan
Ayanolyte	The electrolyte in Ayanade
Ayaneast	A biscuit sponsored by Ayan
Ayamania	The mania caused by the presence of Ayan
Ayanential	Ayan to the power of Ayan
Ayanolation	What do Ayanians feel towards Ayan
Ayanobilia	What you take home from any Ayan movie screening
Ayangulator	A device that helps in finding a movie theatre playing Ayan
Aygan	The elemental matrix that points to the direction of the movie theatre
Ayronic	"Raaaaaaaiiiiiin on your Ayan watching day"
Ayanasurus	The Jurassic version of Ayan
Ayanorreah	Condition that afflicts Ayan's adversaries
Ayanesian	The key principles involved Ayanian economics
Ayanopedia	My encyclopedia on Ayan

Movie Review - Perumal

2009-03-04T09:33:00.000-08:00

Do you guys remember the Telugu movie that was dubbed into Thamizh, with the Telugu comedy track replaced by Vivek's? Vivek spoofed the Parasakthi dialogue... the Odinaal odinaal... dialogue to terrible effect. Many of you would have seen it.

But how many of you have watched the same movie dubbed in Hindi? It had Vivek reciting that dialogue in Hindi, being voiced over by Telugu actors who knew Hindi. A very heavy Telugu - Hindi lilt. I watched it. Late at night... having nothing else to do.

Now you would think... whats the point? Why bring it up when I have titled this about "Perumal". Well.. imagine the pointlessness of a Telugu movie with patched Tamil comedy sequences that spoof a 1950's Tamil movie, being dubbed verbatim into Hindi, and being broadcast at 2 in the morning.

Perumal is a few million times more pointless than that.

One more anecdote. When I was a child, we were watching a documentary. Me, my mother and a few of her friends. The documentary was just a few random moving images to me. It showed people working, suddenly a tiger leaping into a lake, and then some cars on the road, and suddenly someone buying a saree, immediately followed by a guy wearing a Ghandhi cap saying something in Hindi. Right. I did not care as long as I had my packet of potato chips.

There was this lady... who was trying to make sense of the whole thing and explain it to me. She connected the saree buyer with the cars on the road, and the tiger to the colours of the saree. But at one point of time... she gave up, threw her hands in the air.... and said "Perumaaley"... the devout Iyengar that she is. I think that situation inspired the title of the movie. Perumaal... makes even less sense than that documentary, but is spicier than that bag of potato chips.

The Curious Case of Slumdog Millionaire

2009-02-23T20:36:00.001-08:00

But seriously, how many of you thought the movie was good? These are some of the reasons why I think SDM won so many Oscars.. and why I do not have a high opinion of the movie.

People's desire to feel optimistic. A heartwarming rags to riches love story during times of financial trouble? It is bound to do well. But cinematic excellence that deserved 8 Oscars? Maybe not. I would have certainly liked this movie more, if he had not 'won' in either love or the game show. That would have been more realistic... if 'realism' is what was appreaciated in the movie.

Overblown references. To answer a questions like "What is Rama's weapon of choice?"... you really dont have to go to your childhood, where your mother was killed by 'Rama' activists to get than answer? All you have to do remember is the Dussera or the Diwali celebrations that happen every year. Such things looked very contrived to me. Almost as if the author of the book wanted the answer to reference to something innately shocking.

Since I have watched other Boyle movies, and liked them, and man have I tripped on AR Rahman songs! This movie was below par... Boyle has done miles better with Trainspotting and even The Beach. And Rahman has done millions of light years better. So there is the average fanboy cynicism... Oh yeah ? You think THIS is good ? Wait till you watch / listen to his earlier works. Weak. I know. But what the hell !!

Pet peeve that there were other movies released this year that deserved the oscars more than the 'Bollywood Realism' that was SDM. The Curious Case of Button, was frankly better in everything except music. Plus, SDM was too partisan to deserve 8. It just proved that Hollywood is the same as Bollywood. In everything except special effects.

I am not the person who would say this movie showed India in poor light, or that it was offensive to Indian sentiments. The last thing the movie did was make fun of, or offend Indians. I feel after watching the Beach and Trainspotting, it was Danny Boyle who was making fun of Hollywood... for their idea of what 'good movies' are.

Movie Review - Naan Kadavul

2009-02-09T23:13:00.000-08:00

Bala is at it again. Shocking you with horrendous visuals and outlandish characters. He does not attempt to sell those characters... but he has this sense of arrogance about presenting it. This is what i created... watch it if you want. If I was to sum up the movie in a line... I would say, This is the best dark comedy to come out of Kollywood till date, about an entire village being unable to comprehend the workings of the Sadhu in their midst.

Naan Kadavul has a typical 'Bala' character as the main guy. An aghori who thinks / knows he is God, and is completely justified in becoming the destroyer at times he deems necessary. A mental makeup found in visionaries and terrorists alike. You might argue that pretty much that is what Vijay or Arjun think in all their movies. You are correct in one sense. The difference is that for this guy, that is not the most appealing characteristic. Nor is it glorified as hero-like. This guy smokes dope in front of his parents, and even asks a policeman for a toke... not because he is degenerate. He does anything just because he wants to do it. Not because he thinks it is right. The only thing he does which he thinks is right is to kill... as Kaal Bhairav... the solitary reaper.

Bala, and the script writer have worked significantly on the lead character... and there was one more incident, which differentiates our man from any one depicted... ever in the history of Tamil cinema. The kind of rejoinder when his mother gives him the usual Thamizh amma bullshit on keeping him inside the womb for 10 months. His repartee to the guilt tripping dialogue was just so unique and pithy. Lengthy dialogues are not needed to say profound things... you know.

The supporting cast is the life of this movie. It is very tough to present distress / difficulties in a humorous way. Cynicism helps, but there is a thin line between being cynical and being condescending. Bala, in this movie has tread that line... and has come out tops. He presents probably the best dark comedy based on a beggar community in movie history, and does not sound insensitive in doing so. But what I felt was that he could have avoided shocking us with those visuals. But then it is Bala to do that. You know you are getting it when you watch his movie.

Arya was a sort of a disappointment. He looks the part... an arrogant well built Sadhu. But lacks the intensity in expressions. His eye looks blank... luminous eyes do not mean they are expressive. There is no ferocity, nor is there conviction. Most of the times it is just a blank stare which is supposed to frighten us. The girl too is insufficient. Her mannerisms are too dramatic, and lacks consistency.

Music was not great, and could have done some more in setting the mood for the movie. There is no poignant tune that runs through the movie, and it sounds hackneyed and in bits and pieces. Well then the movie was made over 3 eyars. Anyone would have lost the thread during that time.

It has been a long time since I laughed out aloud in a theatre. The last time I could, it was for Vasool Raja. Naan Kadavul also tickled me, especially in the second half. The "in your face" presentation sets in, and you learn to enjoy the movie. First part shock, second part humour. Funny movie.

Movie Review - Slumdog Millionaire

2009-01-23T12:44:00.000-08:00

Slumdog Millionnaire is just one more movie that is going to give you the feeling... "Oh so whats all the hooplah about" ? Thats all there is to the movie. Personally, I have seen a atleast 5 movies in the few years, in Thamizh alone that gave something way beyond what SDG gives us, in every department it has been nominated in. Sometimes I diss a good movie, just to be the devil's advocate. I swear this is not one of those opinions.

Katradhu Thamizh had similar parallel screenplay. Something topical comes up, some great lines of dialogue, and the hero narrates something in his past that had a profound effect on his current position. KT had Jeeva hamming. This guy hams too. KT had humour. This movie had humour too, albeit to a lesser extent. KT was great in character development. SDG just whitewashes characters. Just puts people in bins. Partisan.

Music. The love theme... does anyone think it is similar to the Mickey J Meyer's happy days theme? To me they sound similar. It is just sad, that Rahman after almost 20 years of originality, gets nominated for something that sounds like someone else's song. The BGM is good, but then we are used to much better stuff from Rahman. The Swades song used in the ringtone in itself deserved more credit than the the SDG soundtrack.

What did I like in the movie? I liked it that not everything was explained. I liked it that the director thought... let them figure it out themselves. I liked it that characters somehow seem to recognize each other after 5 - 6 years of not seeing each other. Even over the phone. Incredulous, but different.

What more din't I like? the ending. I agree, times like these, people do not want to watch depressing endings. People do not want to watch people cheating others, but I would really really have liked to see that the guy had actually cheated his way to victory. Somehow. If you can think of a plausible, non technological way, in which he could have cheated, I would like to know.

Villu - Movie Review

2009-01-14T13:39:00.000-08:00

An arbitrary badguy kidnaps a young girl in a jeep, and as per Tamizh tradition attempts to rape her in an open air laundromat... during business hours. Stage set for intro? Ok.

There is a Whiiiish... and a dagger lands on the midsection of Villain no. 34. Who threw it ? They ask... and speculators look all around. There is a Whoooosh... and a figure appears with sarees flying all over the place... laundromat speculators speculate, Is it Superman? Is it Spiderman? ... behold.. the SareeMan. The sarees get blown away and we see half the face of the Young Thalapaadhi. Incidentally he only has half a brain too.

In the next few minutes, everything turns topsy turvy... including our tummies as Vijay mouths something that even Vijay Teeyar would have shaken his head at. We are then taken to a song... which explains the meaning of the title.

Rama Rama Rama Rama Raman kitta Villai Keaten...

Bheema Bheema Bheema Bheema.. Bheema kitta kadhaya Keaten

Apparently Rama had not obliged. Hence we are only left with a movie of that name and ofcourse since Bheema is not known to be a great story writer, the movie not surprisingly, does not have a story either.

So we are left to squander 3 hours while watching Vijay trying to steal 2 'Blu Ray Disks'... from Prakash Rai and another Kannada guy. On the side, he has 'dealings' with Vadivelu and gets 9thara to strip a few times for him. Some highlights...

1. Only we had been crying so far. Now Vijay cries for the first time in 12 years since Thulladha Manamum Thullum. He makes us groan now. He also dresses up as a French bearded Mahakavi Bharathi. Hmm. Why not?

2. The most colourfully dressed villains since Billa 1, where we were treated to major Sundharrajan and RS Manohar wearing green and purple suits. Apparently the best way for international arms smugglers to hide from German police is to wear the loudest suits in all of Europe and strut around waving guns in famous nightclubs. Prakash Rai even dyes his hair blonde.

3. Nayanthara plays Prakash Rai's daughter... she gets bitten by fish in her introduction scene... (guess who the 'fish' is? Sadly yeah...). I wish it had been piranha... or better still, sharks with frigging laser beams attached to their heads.

4. In the world Vadivelu / Prabhu Deva... live in, westerners dancing to Indian movie tunes is still counted as comedy. And in that world, an animated cow practicing jujitsu moves on Vadivelu makes people have stitches in their side. Cow dung... the animated cow shoots cow dung at vadivelu... he dodges it. We see it in slow motion. My feet are firmly placed on our world... so writing those lines make me very sad.

5. Khushboo.. a self confessed Vijay fan... (I wonder if Pastor Joseph Vijay would pardon her) dances. Vijay does his now popular imitation of a cross between am epileptic rubberman and a Naatupura kalaigal puppet. He calls it dance. Atleast it looks better than Simbhu's version of dance.

Some questions were raised... even though Vijay is Christian, why do his intro songs almost always have something to do with Hindu Gods? Did 9thara have some sort of liposuction on tummy? It looks horrible. Are we going to have to watch Vadivelu battle animated cowdung every night in Comedy Thirai? If this is the kind of movies Prabhu Deva can make, why stop with 4 per year ? He can direct 10 - 15 every month, and keep Pachayappa kalloori makkal very happy.

Bommalattam- Movie Review

2009-01-02T00:24:00.001-08:00

This is probably the only movie that I wanted to watch in Hindi after I had already watched it in Thamizh. No marks for guessing it was for only to watch Nana Patekar. Nizhalgal Ravi.. I agree has a good voice... but then he can never replicate Nana Patekar. HOw would Nazzer have sounded? WHy Nizhalgal Ravi?

In the previous review, I had written that Thamizh movies must only be the Silambattam kind... ANything else, and it becomes useless and pales in comparison to its originals. But once in a while movies like Bommalattam come along that make me put my words in a boot and eat it.. foot and all. But seriously, this is a good movie.

Be it the gradual build up of suspense, or the gradual shifting of our suspicision from one character to another or the tremendous performances from everyone in the cast, I have to say this movie surpassed all my expectations. The sudden cheat-code like end to the movie too, can be forgiven because the afformentioned reasons.

A murder mystery, narrated from the POV of the chief suspect who has something to hide is not new to us. None of the effective movies ever give you a clue about the real killer. This movie is no different. Apart from a couple of vague clues there was nothing of mention, ... but then stupid me, I missed out on each one of them. Never-the-less the revelation is good... after a couple of rounds. Watch it in any of the three languages it has been released in. A definite recommend.

Abhiyun Naanum

2008-12-28T13:47:00.000-08:00

Do you believe that when you go to an Udipi Restaurant, it is better to have a Mangalore bonda? Or are you the person who orders bruschetta? If you are one of the second kind, prepare yourself for the torture in the form of Abhiyum Naanum.

You see, I happen to have watched and hated "Father of the bride"... and then, people came up with "Father of the Bride - 2" with the same ensemble. Star movies made it worse by telecasting it on lonely afternoons during study holidays. And now our dear Duet movies... has come up with Father of the Bride - 3 and thankfully Aishwarya as the mother in law is not shown pregnant... or is she?

The opening logo shows a monkey finding a film reel (of the Steve Martin flick I presume)... and beginning to ponder. I wish I had shot the monkey then and there. Maybe PR is going to make Gorillas in the Mist next... with Simran as Sigourney Weaver, T Rajendar as the gorilla and PTC buses causing the mist. Now I am off on a tangent as usual.

Ok coming back to my Udipi analogy, I hate people who think that Thamizh movies would make a mark in the world, if they imitate the west well, (ie) by making sensible movies that deal with believable human emotions. I am firmly of belief that Thamizh movies can make a mark only by standing out... (ie) by making more of Simbhu's Silambattam or Arjun's Thiruvannamalai. These movies are distinctly Dravidian. Just like we do not try to make our dosas into pancakes and have it with maple syrup, we should not try to make sensible movies. It just does not bode well amd it irritates the palate.

I do not like Abhiyun Naanum for that reason, and that reason alone. I will never watch Abhiyum Naanum.

End Rant.

Godmen

2008-12-18T20:29:00.000-08:00

If you happen to watch Vijay TV in the morning... between 7.30 and 8.30, you would see many of these soothsayers peddling their wares. Now, there are believers and non-believers. I envy the believers since they are gullible enough to believe that the colour of their rings could change their destiny, hence boosting their self-confidence. I envy the non-believers for throwing such irrational ideas out of their lives. I am neither of those. I am the amazed spectator. I am the unintrusive learner.

What is find interesting is their effeciency and the modus operandi. There is this guy, who suggests modifications and kumbabishekams to temples are remedies. He asks you to pay the money to him and he would perform the remedies. He has a bunch of contractors whom he drives to make those modifications. HE performs the kumbabishekam and uses those videos as marketing snippets for further business. What is he actually ? He is just a construction co-ordinator who has innovative ways to gather business. Nameley "Kuladeivamaana Muneeswaran". Amazing. I wish we could sell software that way.

There is this guy who says he can change your destiny by changing a few vowels in your name. Apart from just infusing confidence in the gullible, what he is doing is downplaying all the importance given to how great Thamizh is. Most of his name changes are only in English. AS long as people like him are present, the completely useless and irrelevant "Thamizh Movement" started by the Kazhagams cannot fly to any great success.

There is this guy who suggests you make Rava idly everyday in the morning and feed it to kaakas around your house as a remedy. Apart from giving confidence, he makes the person's life structured and makes sure his kids get a healthy breakfast. He further suggests green methods such as planting trees and social best practices such as feeding the unfortunate and cleaning roads around temples as remedies to the doshams. Such people create awareness of one's surroundings and encourages civic sense.

I support all these people in their money making endeavours. We as a community should support them. Who should be stopped are the pure godmen with no amount of social awareness in their remedies. The people who bathe metal idols with ice cream and the people who peddle green colour glass rings and pass it of as gemstones. (Incidentally there are PhDs in Gemology sold in the USA).

Educated India loses perspective

2008-12-03T08:54:00.000-08:00

This write-up is not one more 'knee jerk' reaction to what happenned.

What was wrong in RR Patil saying this is just one more attack? Maybe it was too soon to say it... but wasn't that the truth ? Where were the Simi Garewals and the Shefali Shahs who so vehemently oppose RR Patil now, where were they, when Hyderabad was bombed last year,or when Delhi was bombed 2 months back ? How different is this attack from those? There were intelligence reports even then. Why not blame politicians then and blame them now?

Why are people like Krish Ashok asking for a week long paid vacation for the NSG commandos at the Taj? Is he insunuating that people should be rewarded for doing their duty? What crap? Where is his perspective? The the bunch of hooligans supporting this write comments too about it, saying how great he is to have suggested it. Stupidity.

Why should RR patil climb down from power ? Why should Deshmukh climb down ? Will this be followed by the Navy Chief / Coast Guard chief / Army chief / NSG chief climbing down too? Why not the entire country just resign ? The sad part about this is that we do not even know where the problem lies... and the chief of staff just resigns. So everytime there is a terrorist attack, people on the top lose jobs? So that fresh people could make the same mistakes yet again? Such callous quitting when people are in dire need does not even happen in companies.

I got this email saying Abhinnav Bindra got 3 crores for winning the Olympic gold and the NSG commandos who lost their lives got only 5 laks. What is the guy who wrote this complaining about ? That Abhinav Bhindra is a useless nincompoop who does not deserve the money? Or does he mean to say every soldier who shoots his rifle and dies in the line of duty should get 3 crores too? Is the guy who forwarded it even thinking straight?

What is Simi Garewal doing on a panel discussing terrorism and why is she asking people NOT TO PAY TAXES for one year to teach the politicians a lesson. I propose she be put in jail for saying that. That is the most unpatriotic comment I have ever heard.

What are the news channels doing with Simi Garewal / Arjun Rampal / Farook Sheikh on a terrorism panel accusing the Deshmukh kid and Ram Gopal Verma of having a Taj tour ? Why isnt anyone questioning the credibility of Simi Garewal / Arjun Rampal in commenting about the present situation? WHAT !!!!!

India as a whole has lost perspective about the situation. They are collectively acting like that Keralite commando's father. In their anger / confusion they just say whatever comes to their mind.. and accuse whomever they want to without pausing to think what they are saying. This is truly a sad sad sad sad country for having the educated public acting the way it is now.

I just have pity for the Mumbai resident. More so for the entire country ganging up and celebrating the 'Spirit of Mumbai'... (enough of that) than for the actual terrorism. When it uses that phrase, the entire country is behaving no differently from that condescending Bhurka Dutt.. who said "I know you will pull through" to the family of the bereaved... live... on air.. just so that she would look good to the rest of the country. How does such 'lip service' matter?

What could have contributed to the delay ?

2008-11-28T10:30:00.000-08:00

My thoughts keep going back to when i read first about the MOSSAD agents in Uganda 1976... 15 minutes, 4 terrorists, one plane. in out.. and done with.... but now ?? Are these some of the reasons ?

And then there were Google Layoffs

2008-11-18T20:12:00.000-08:00

There was Google Flu.... and now.. ?

Bangalore ? 'nuff said....

The battle of the evils

2008-11-05T20:58:00.000-08:00

There is no truly altruistic action. Every person is selfish in everything he does.
- Ayn Rand (IDK when)

There is no better regulation that the individual's prudence in risk taking.
- Greenspan in 2004

Greenspan was correct in short time frames. Ayn Rand was correct in longer timeframes. What was underestimated was the powers of capitalism, or in other words, the society's capacity for collective greed. This economic turmoil has hence been caused due to collective greed overtaking an individual's circumspection in taking risk.

Atherton and Cricket

2008-11-02T10:13:00.000-08:00

The archives recall not one single incriminating incident, not one drunken escapade, not one reported affair, not one spat with a team-mate or reporter. Throughout, he has maintained his professional integrity, tailoring his game to the demands of the situation and the team, always giving the game and his craft due care and attention. Is he even human?

Whats wrong with this statement? Is he saying that Tendulkar has achieved so much and yet he does not have a blackspot on his career / life ? So is it really surprising that someone who practiced all that our Veda miss taught us in moral science class (yes we had the smae teacher for both), became a success ? When was it that the causality became reversed ? Are all successful guys expected to have a few black episodes... scandals.. wives.... spats.. and the like?

And here we are thinking moral science is proven, and cricket is a gentleman's sport...

Tumbling Tumbleweeds

2008-09-17T02:34:00.000-07:00

An idea for a game show on television

2008-09-07T23:45:00.000-07:00

Caught in the middle...

2008-09-03T10:21:00.000-07:00

Kuselan

2008-09-01T01:06:00.001-07:00

The story is a simple short story. Coming to think of it, it could even be straight out of Malgudi Days. The story has everything that would make us close the book with a smile… and a drop of a tear. It had normal characters, uncomplicated emotions and very believable situations. A great story is the recipe for successful movie. It is now up to the cook to execute it well. What can go wrong?

Enter Pervert Vasu. Our untalented hack of a chief cook, who already had the dubious distinction of mauling Manuchithrathazhu into an unholy lump of fermented bagasse called ‘Chandramukhi’. With that amazing achievement on his resume, we could have only hoped for something better than that. You would think it would take stupendous effort to maul one more Malayalam movie… but then the pervert surprises you. It is like he is able to immediately spot what is great about the story, and makes it his mission in life to stamp his mark of ‘Pervertitude’ on it. He then moves on to the next best thing in the story and repeats above said process. He is tireless till he is able to chomp the seemingly good story into an unidentifiable mass of refuse that cannot even be recycled.

So, what was good in the original that the pervert targeted first? The most charming factor of the story was its simplicity. What do we get?

We get overblown characters who ham all the time. Pasupathy who thinks he has to even cut hair like Sivaji Ganesan plays the Nadaswaram.

We get Meena who thinks she has to dress up like a newly married woman who comes to Shoppers Stop to play a poor barber’s wife

We get Vadivelu who, in the name of comedy does everything except come even close to the funny bone. His comedy is a sure cure for people who had inhaled laughing gas. He has invented anti-comedy in this movie.

The last few scenes, even though are touching can not salvage the movie. Rajini sells his role very well and Pasupathy does his dialogue bit which was supposed to be killer, but falls flat.

The movie looks and feels like a beautiful porcelain creation, painted in chrome and placed as bumper decoration in a national permit lorry. Neither does it serve the purpose nor are we able to appreciate its beauty. Pervert Vasu has stamped his ‘class’ all over this yet again. Sreenivasan must be crying blood.

Dasavatharam - 2

2008-08-31T04:14:00.000-07:00

For whatever it is worth...

2008-08-28T07:03:00.000-07:00

Please feel free to add more to this. Anyone else you want rated on this comparative scale?

Dasavatharam

2008-08-02T03:42:00.000-07:00

HAHAHAHAHA

As Maddox says - People are the worst :-)

Thankfully nothing turned out when i searched for 'Kayyyyoss theory'

Movie review - Anjathe

2008-02-22T12:53:00.000-08:00

What would you call a movie that is 25% a love story, 15% a family melodrama, 20% a psycho thriller and 40% a movie about friendship? "Anjathe"? Is the director talking about his frame of mind while making the movie? Once when I visited a hotel, there was this waiter who told suggested a dish and said "Paravailla bhayapdama sapdunga... onnum aagadhu". I avoided that suggested dish with a vengeance everytime I visited that place. Maybe the director was like that waiter... warning me.. "Paravailla Bhayapdama Paarunga". I should have avoided this movie with a vengeance too.

What is pitiful is that Anjathe, has a decent story. that is something out of the ordinary fare. (Some people liken it to Mystic river... I fail to get the connection). But what screws that story completely is inept directing, some partisan acting and a script which rambles like a lunatic on speed. There is no one controling the script... there are ever so many scenes that make you sit up and scream.. "What exactly is the director trying to do ?". (if you think the scene at the hospital where the killers come in one by one to get beaten up is nice.. i have no words for you). The script jumps in a single frame from a movie about friendhsip gone wrong to a serial kidnapper/killer story, and suddenly switches back to being a love story only to go on to being a family drama. Throw in a few psycho characters and you have got "Anjathe".

It is not only that coherance is lacking, but presentation is half assed too. The main actors go through their routines like school kids. Naren can emote to an extent, but his friend is just a stone in all the scenes ecxept one where he laments and makes us laugh. Vijayalakshmi, as the sister / love interest fails to impress. She was good in Chennai 600028 but then she never had to utter a word in the entire movie.

The director also resorts to some cheap thrills like never showing the face of one of the villains (purportedly that kind of movie making falls under the 'slick' category). Using the handicapped person the way he was too was too cheap a gimmick. Why does he have to wave his stump like a flag everytime he talks? And please someone tell me who chose that wig for Prasanna !!! His wig would have made even Asha Parekh or Sharmila Tagore flinch. Prasanna cannot be a convincing villain. He could probably go back to playing the chocolate sweet hero in Prakash Raj movies. His mannerisms and his choice of get-up alone was proof enough that he is not a versatile actor. A sham. Naren is better, but his frog eyes might not make him the most handsome guy around. But at least he is not pretentious. I wonder how his hair never messes even during fight sequences.

The movie has also been shot on a nylon shoe lace budget. Perhaps the only movie to shoot the dream love sequence, in the same kind of set the villains have their hide-out. Most of the actors are either new faces or struggling ones, and there are no big budget fight sequences. Just scuffles on the road, and in a sugarcane field. The climax even though has been shot differently was long drawn out and slightly pretentious. On the whole, this is a very confused movie, which cannot be classified into any particular bucket... excepting maybe the "do not watch" bucket.

Movie Review - Jodha Akbar

2008-02-18T14:23:00.000-08:00

Are you a Tamilian, who did not take the time off to learn Urdu properly ? Are you a Tamilian.. whose last Hindi movie had people in blonde wigs and bell bottoms fighting each other, and the movie ended with the police rushing in in that smoke grey jeep ? Chances are that you might not like Jodha Akbar.

For the others, I feel this is a very good Hindi movie, replete with a hero, who has just seen Pirivom Sandhippom, Thangachi sentiment, Thambi Sentiment, Amma Sentiment, Periamma sentiment, a few one on one fights and the obligatory sex song. What seems even more obligatory is Amitabh's voice at the begining and the end of the movie.

And for Hritik Roshan... or Rithik Saar as we thamizh brethen like to call him... not enough words of praise. The fight sequence with the elephant alone is worth the DVD buy. Ofcourse the elephant foot and the trunk are prosthetics, but the long shots of the fight was worth the money. I have not seen anything like that so far in any kind of cinema.

Initially, the underlying tensions and politics in a harem run by the periamma of 'Jalal' (Akbar), is what kept me interested in the movie The biggest disappointment in the movie, was that those tensions and character generation, just whithers away like any common Indian movie in the second half. What I mean is that even though complicated characters are developed, the way each problem is addressed and resolved has been seen in any one of 3000 other movies. For example, the 'soozhchi' of the periamma, and the way it is unravelled is just too hackeneyed. None of the other sequences barring the elephant fight seem to have anything 'new' in it.

The tension between Jodha and Akbar, the purported highlight of the movie, too seems trivial. I feel he chases her only because she does not offer sex. If you are going to dismiss this as a 'Freudian oversimplification'... just get the hell out of my blog. But frankly, imagine this... There is this young guy, who wants only one thing... to rule 'Hindoostan'. He marries a girl... and wonder of wonders she refuses to put out for him. What is he going to do ? Run after the girl trying to 'earn the love' ? Or does he just go ahead and try capturing more territories from Rana Pratap and Sher Shah Suri? What was he doing anyway trying to please her... reducing travel tax on "Theerth yatr"?

Frankly, AG's Akbar seems to be far too sensitive and understanding to be an uneducated emperor who fought more wars than both his illustrious ancestors combined. All those dialogues about 'secular society', and a unified hindustan spoken by Akbar just increases the feeling of incredulity. Finally, if you encounter any Rajput who thinks that the movie is slander on their community, shoot them down. Rajputs are presented in better light than the Muslims in the movie.

And this movie is far too long... more than 3 hours. Infact, I spent quite a lot of time playing games on my cell phone.. especially when the Periamma and the step brother of Akbar conspire and conspire to conspire. THis movie is a definte watch, if not for the action, atleast for the music which, as usual is exemplary. But the over reaction by Akbar at the end of 'Khwaja'... is definitely not warranted though.

Movie Review - Indralogathil na Alagappa

2008-02-15T09:10:00.000-08:00

The last decade of my life, I would have probably watched 300 - 400 a year. During this time, I always keep tabs on the worst movies I have watched each year. Last year, it was Veerasamy, and the year before that was Perarasu. And frankly, each year, the worst movie is usually decided in the latter half of the year. But I Na Al takes that dubious distinction even in the first week of February. I am sure this would be the worst movie of this year... maybe this decade. It would take T Rajendar, Rob Schneider and Sam Anderson here to make a worse movie. I am sure it is not going to happen this year.

Vadivelu, seems to be too high on himself. I wonder what he is taking, but his perceived self worth seems to be skyrocketing. Statements like..."Naan kuduthathaidaan Ketkiten..... adhil enna thapu irukkiradhu ? And sila maanidar kadanai vaangikondu sandoshamaga irundhuvittu, thiruppi kudukka thuppu illamal tharkolai segiraar. adharku naana kaaranam?" seem tobe targeted only at Vadivelu's personal life.

This movie is definitely not like "Imsai arasan". IA had topical humour, great political commentary and a half decent storyline. The storyline in I Na AL seems to be straight out of a skinimax movie. Most characters seem to be outlined only to satisfy our perverse senses. Be it the female leads or the various characters donned by Vadivelu, the humour borders on the distasteful, and the theme on the idiotic. The director has gone out of his way to impress you with seemingly interesting stuff, and dishes out a Vittalacharya plot coated with Jayamalini like dances and some really cheap computer graphics. He tries to increase interest by infusing a moral dilemma about death, but it is worse than a kindergarten picture book. Plus, he gives Vadivelu a chance to show his emotive powers.. at the end of the movie, and we get a cheap imitation of Thiruvarutchelvar.

This movie is a sure avoid.

Movie Review - Thangam

2008-02-12T20:51:00.001-08:00

A eulogy to a great comedian

I think Goundamani is to comedy what Sachin is to cricket. Gounds has cured me from fevers, heart attacks and gastro problems. Sachin usually does only fevers but he is good too. Coming back to Gounds, I was excited just to think that he was going to make a comeback... with Sathyaraaj... (after the forgettable Manmadhan sequence) in Suyetchi M.L.A... I do not know what happened to the project, but I could not even find clippings on the net. Then news came in that they were pairing again in Thangam. Scenes from Pangali, Maaman Magal and Nadigan.... came to mind. Gounds saying "Paper Roast Sapdunga.. Liver ku romba Nalladhu"... Gounds in front of Meena's house in Maaman Magal... I could go on. But, 'Thangam' pales... infact is 'extremely' anaemic... when compared to all those earlier great moments in world cinema.

Think about this. Vadivelu has now become the king of 'udhaar'. Vivek thinks he is a new age NSK... with all those idiotic messages. Ada Paavigala!!! and speaking like M.R. Radha. Gounds cut his own path. Most people remember Gounds for all those 'Thenga Thalaya' and 'Manga Mandaya' dialogues. Those are the kind people I carefully avoid. They are shallow, peripherial and self centred people. They do not enjoy Gounds saying 'take the tonty faiow'... or "I three love you" to My deeyar Dia. They only see him kicking Sendhil in the butt and equate it to physical humour. Those people are boring. They cannot udnerstand nakkal. What is the use of talking to such people?

Nakkal. Gounds revived the age old art of Nakkal in thamizh cinema. The one and only king of Nakkal... who with just a sentence... like "Seri edu po" to the "Kosu"... Oma kuchi Narasimhan in Sooriyan could keep us in splits for almost 30 seconds. Someone who could nonchalantly say.. "Idhellam sarithrathla ezhuduvanga... Pasanga laam notes eduthupanga..." when he was just being invited for questioning in Sooriyan. The sheer thenavattu of our thalaivar which was projected strongly in each of his roles, has never been replicated by any other comedian so far. I am not sure whether anyone else willl in the future either.

Coming back to "Thangam", what can I say ? I only went to watch Gounds. he disappoints. He takes a few punches at Simbhu.. for his Kaalai and Rajini's Chandramukhi, and makes one half decent joke. He calls an ara mandayan (who was stealing river sand) ... and says enna da thalay kooda vaara mudiyadhu.. nee Mannu vaaraporiya ?? PODA. He takes pot shots at Vijay and Ajith too which are too idiotic to mention here. He tries to remix some of his old jokes, and he references the stupid vazhaipazha joke in one sequence. All these point to only one thing. Our dear Gounds has lost confidence in himself.

I only hope, Gounds gets his confidence back, and comes up with a stellar role in his next movie. I will not give up hope on him.

Movie Review - Polladhavan

2008-01-24T07:08:00.000-08:00

People keep talking about how stylish Billa was, and how great the cinematography was. What do you think? Slow motion shots of guns and swords falling down, and people walking around wearing dark glasses... is not style. Malaysia has spectacular locales... and showing a bleached version of it is not good cinematography. If that were the case, the Hollywood crockpot "Three Kings" is the best shot movie on earth.

Polladhavan was stylish. It had characters coming out of the slums presented stylishly. It had interesting anecdotes strung together in a stylish manner. It had a half decent but old storyline with succinct dialogues and a director who did not take anyone for granted. To me Polladhavan was more stylish than Billa.

The movie started with Dhanush staggering around after killing a few guys with a sword, and then immedietely flashes back to Dhanush being your normal wastrel donkey on small wall. Wasting his time with his friends, and having an unrequited lady love. Some of the initial sequences with Karunas were extremely funny and the line "Nee Kelein" could become part of the lingua franca... like "Enna kodumai saravanan idhu"...

The story moves normally as it narrates the regular tensions in such lower class families, the discussions between father and son... that kind of remind you of 7G Rainbow colony. What happens next is pretty much out of any other normal Thamizh movie. The hero is sucked into a gang war, even though he attempts to defuse the situation at every stage. What was stylish was how the director sells the "this could have happened... there is nothing outlandish about this" feel with the cascading events.

That, to me was the difference between the Thimuru / Palani / Sivakasi kind of movies and Polladhavan. The cinematography, the dialogues, the characterization and the screenplay seemed to get pretty well to lend a semblance of believabilityto the normal hero beats goons up story. This movie is definitely worth a watch.

Polladhavan was Dhanush's best movie of 2007. The music from Yuvan was good, with help from Yogi B. The love story, could have been avoided... but then it would have shrunk the movie by 45 minutes. Dhanush looked great in the action sequences... and surprisingly, the goons provide more pay-off moments than the hero in this movie.

Movie Review - Evano Oruvan

2008-01-21T21:12:00.000-08:00

Have you guys watched this movie called "Falling Down", with Michael Douglas in the lead. He is a normal guy... walking across town to his wife and kid, and he meets many dubious characters along the way who either prey on him or have some sort of weirdness which angers him enough to destroy them. In "Evano Oruvan", the situation is the same as Falling Down, pitting a frustrated middle aged man and a sympathetic cop against a corrupt city.

Evano Oruvan is different from "Falling Down" in a few ways though. The protaganist is just too damn self righteous. Most scenes in the movie is kind of morphed from the original. Douglas has an initial confrontation with a Korean convenience store owner. In this case, it was a Marwadi asking for 2 rupees extra. FD had an arms seller instead of a drug peddler. The kind of people they both meet are the same, and results are the same. But, the reasoning in between is significantly different.

MD in FD, loses rights to see his family, loses his job, his car breaks down, gets caught in the traffic, and that day is probably the hottest day of the year. That causes the frustration. Madhavan refuses to pay capitation fee for his daughter (because he feels that is wrong) and so does not get the seat, and he gets shot down by his manager for not approving a loan without enough documents (once again because he is too damn straigh forward). Do you see the differences between the two ? His line to his wife about himself "trying to do something about the situation" also sounded too cinematic considering his back-ground.

What I did not like about Madhavan's Michael Douglas was that Madhavan sounded too "Oh I am great"ish. D-FENS (character nick-name in FD) is more of a 'normal guy' like one of us. He normally would not care about paying the 2 rupees extra, but on that day, he snaps... because of the heat and because of his divorce. That 'just that day' reason did not click because Madhavan sounded too preachy in all his monologues. He keeps repeating how straight-forward he is, and how corrupt everyone else around him is. I felt that the character needed more frustration inducing reasons to snap the way he did.

I am not saying this is not a great movie, because I compare it with FD alone. I feel EO eventhough is a great concept, does not make use of it totally. EO certainly does not give the "this could happen to any one of us" feel intended by the director. Inpite of that, this is a fairly good movie, but not one of the best to come out of Kollywood last year. Tamilians seem to think anything that is 'different' is also 'good'. Cannot blame them with movies like Bheema, ATM and Kaalai floating around.

Movie Review - Pirivom Sandhipom

2008-01-20T21:37:00.000-08:00

Was this really a movie? I felt it was an affected and boring presentation of a family story that has unbelievably nice people, and the story of a lonely person doing nothing about her state... in the second half.

Have you guys watched this movie "Mitr"? It is about Shobana, settled in the Silicon valley with her busy husband, and she has a serious mid-life crisis. She feels out of place, mentally, because of the generation and cultural gap with her daughter and her neighbors in general. And guess what? She DOES something about it. She goes online and tries to make friends... She tries to confront a few people who are not doing things her way, and on the whole, at least attempts at being adventurous.

This movie has someone in a similar situation. Sneha, in a town with not too many people in it, but she is not emotionally isolated. She has a couple of friends who are pretty much in the same situation, and there is no cultural alienation also. But what does she do ? She goes into her shell... and takes everything with a smiling face (which comes easy to Sneha...). Even during the movie, there could be ever so many solutions to the problem she has... it is not like her family lives 24 away hours by air... She could gone back for a quick visit. She could have invited a few of the 'huge' family over for one of the festivals... I mean... if she could not think of anything to cure herself of her boredom, what is the use of a Master's education? Logic aside, the movie was a plain bore. Frankly, in my opinion, this is at best a short story, that could be covered in 30 minutes. Does not warrant a full length picture.

Talking about the positives, the movie had good comedy, with the characters themselves trying to be light hearted. Also, a lot of Tamil movie cliches were consciously removed. That was refreshing. For eg:, when Cheran and Sneha take the Goa trip, any other movie would have had a song in Goa of the scenic beauty and these two guys watching people race around on speed boats... This movie (maybe because of the cost too) did not have anything of that sort. My view is a bit contradictory in that, even though only the absolute 'necessary' was narrated, the movie gave the feeling that the director is trying to bore you, so that you understand what Sneha feels. Even boredom could be narrated in an interesting way... just a 2 - 3 incidents could tell what 30 minutes of narration does.

I would suggest Cheran (and the director of the movie) watch this movie called "Flavors", which had a housewife in a similar situation in New Jersey. Just one scene of her, repeatedly adjusting a pebble arrangement on her tea-poy narrated what Cheran achieved in over one hour.

PS is a nice movie, clean (something that is called 'courageous' nowadays), and has a lot of local and natural flavour to it. At times the actions and words of the people were artificial, but those are small problems, and there is no doubt this movie could be enjoyed at home with a plate of....

Movie Review - Azhagiya Thamizh Magan

2008-01-16T06:37:00.000-08:00

At the end of it... we know why the movie is called "Azhagiya Thamizh Magan"... The only way you could justify calling someone like Vijay.. "a handsome tamilian" is by filling the rest of the cast excluding comedians with non-Thamizh speaking people. Shreya and Vijay's father are golt I think... Geetha, mallu and the assortment of villains from the dredges of the other *woods.

ATM as it is necessarily called (people... calling it by the full name is a waste of your breath)... could be termed one more of the 'run of the mill' stuff from Kollywood. The only difference from the other 'run of the mill' movies is that this mill was closed down a few decades back.

You would seem to think that this is a new story... I mean. how often have we seen a dual role with characters interchanging? Maybe just once every-time a dual role is attempted on screen... which is probably 6 times a year. Fresh.

How often have we seen Vijay lecture to us about morals, and ofcourse friendhip? let me put it this way. If vijay were to write a book on his thoughts about friendship... in different movies... he could possibly fill a 18 inch diary.. with exactly the same sentence repeated over and over again. I think he has the memory of a goldfish when it comes to such things.

When it comes to music, I almost feel like Rahman has a poor deaf substitute whom he employs to make music for guys like Vijay and S.J Suryah. The opening song is standing proof to that... Horrible song, with Vijay doing a now very popular imitation of a handicapped guy with fits... Its amazing what passes off as dance these days.

The movie was good for the first 10 seconds when there were people talking about how good 'Guru' is... and once he makes an entrance.. it is a wasteful mixture of morals, navels and polambals... that should be safely avoided.

Movie Review - Billa

2008-01-03T10:40:00.000-08:00

The first Thamizh movie to be shot entirely outside India.
The movie would have only been half its length if people had walked in real time rather than in slow motion.
Everyone in the movie.. except Santhanam wears dark glasses... every brand.. even the ones bought outside Valluvar Kottam were tried out.
Some really sick attempts at trying to 'characterize'.. like making Prabhu eat someting in each scene he filled... hehe.. It worked in Oceans 11.. and Brad Pitt is a few hundred pounds better than Prabhu
There are a few gangsters who serve no purpose other than stopping a few speeding bullets with their chest. I mean no dialogues or anything for them... Just braids and dark glasses.. and ofcourse walking around in slow motion.
There were just too many cheesy shots... of people grimacing and conspiring... trying to make the plot sound complicated. Hell !!! There has already been 3 movies with the same storyline !!! Can't we just take a break on the 'suspense' part?
Ajit looks his part... that of a aged guy with bags under his eyes... trying to pass off for a smart young gangster. 9thara tries hard to be sexy... but in the far east, I am sure you can find a few transvestites who look a lot better than her.
Namita is best forgotten. There are some contrived dialogue sequences with her that takes neither her nor the story anywhere but into the gutter.
The movie seemed like a quilt.. a patchwork of a few mandatory scenes.. from all the earlier versions.. with insipid dialogues and worse performances. Just because this quilt was knit and packaged in Malaysia does not make it any better than any other movie reviewed here.

Movie Review - Vattaram

2007-12-22T10:10:00.000-08:00

I searched high and low for a review for this movie but since i could not find one that reflects my opinions of this movie, I felt I had to do the intertrons a service by writing one...

The movie, "from the stables of Saran"... or so someone had said las tyar when the movie came out. It is not only horses that come out of the stables.. but also horse excreta in solid liquid and gaseous forms. vattaram is a mixture of copious amounts of all three forms. Charan, must have thought, he is some kind of god of remakes after making Vasool raja... for he has attempted to remake a guy Ritchie style of movie in Thamizh and has failed magnificently in it.

Ok let me begin... there is this guy Naazar, who gets on the wrong side of Napoleon.. who is the head of the Vattaram... an international weapons smuggler and real estate kingpin. These guys talk abou 'projects' whose figures usually compare favourably with the GDPs of of small countries. They go by the names of "Ira", "Burma" and "eera"... i suppose that makes it easy for screaming when they are "thookufied". On a parallel track.. it would be really tough to yell out the villains name in the Slavic countries. Wonder how they would manage it.

Anyway, in the beginning of the movie, Nasser is thrown out of a chair that Napoleon likes and so gets killed. This irritates Aarya who vows revenge on nappy even as a kid. In order to emulate napoleon, he too starts his own small arms trade... and I mean human arms. He slices a few off here and there, and makes small time money. He also learns english parallely.. so that he can read up on guns. Apaprently there is a paucity of good books on revolvers in Thamizh... he earnestly explains in one scene. Oh the travails of the gangsters these days. Thol Thirumavalavan... are you listening !!!???

Now, Aarya, who goes by the name of Burma and Verma at various stages of the movie, suddenly becomes the right 'arm' man of Napoleon... hehe... and goes about his Shakuni business. He kills off Nappy's aides in some of the some of most badly thought out sequence sequences, that even a half wit in an inebriated stage could figure out who is upping all the men. It is truly a wonder that guys just keep their mouths shut because they are more afraid of Aarya than Nappy. Nappy who once said he would want to be the dead man in the death house.. and a groom in a marriage house... mouths one more memorable dialogue in Tamil. he says "I cannot catch leg and all and come up".. and falls to his death.

Saran, the director must have watched a few bad remakes of hollywood gangster movies, and maybe he thought they were gems. I really do not know why he would want to bring in 'slickness' into Thamizh tripe. However smart the screenplay is, you do need guys like Dennis Farina and Jason Statham atleast to carry off gangster movies... We just do not have the man-power for that. I wish Saran would udnerstand that. The story is not bad... but the screenplay could have made use of a few more grey cells, and the cast could have been better than statues, and pockmarks...

Comment on the Remix Billa

2007-12-02T22:11:00.000-08:00

Am I tone deaf ? Or is Yuvan tone deaf ? Are some of the instrumental peieces in the remix completely dischordant ? (Abaswaram)... especially the whistling... and some of the humming.

Is it supposed to be that way ?

I cannot imagine someone who made "ARiyadha Vayasu" making such a horrible mistake...

Movie Review - Katradhu Thamizh

2007-10-28T01:39:00.000-07:00

Surprisingly after almost a year of downright idiotic movies (barring PV), Thamizh cinema came up with two above average movies in quick sucession. One was of course Satham Podadhey, and the other is Katradhu Thamizh. I liked this movie.

This movie could be reviewed in any number of ways. Apart from the straight-forward, though slightly illogical story of the creation of a mass murderer, the sub-text of the movie is pretty interesting. Jeeva in one of his emotional outbursts says... there are only two kinds of people in Chennai. There are these people inside Spencer plaza, and the ones outside Spencer plaza. That jealousy is the root cause of his anger. This is compounded by the fact that his love is not able to be fulfilled and he is driven to the extremity because of a pedestrian encounter with the police.

The sensitive person that he is, he feels normal life is no longer possible, and commits his first murder in a fit of anger. He is not able to reason properly anymore, but only feels a strange power... the power of God in him, because he had actually terminated someone's life. He calls himself Sivan... because he has the power to destroy life. Lunacy clouds reason and his literary intellect overtakes rational thought. He starts reasoning his actions through broad hyperboles, and poetic extracts. You cannot blame him. He is just a product of a self misguided up-bringing.

Karuna's plays the part of the audience and voices our thoughts exactly... at exactly the rigth moment... during some of the monologue sequences. This lends us a comforting feeling that the director is making bridges to not let the audience feel left out. He is saying... just hang on... I know you do not understand. You hang on to the movie... enjoying the excellent music by UV Raja and the engrossing screenplay... and it ultimately affects you the way the director wanted it to.

The screenplay covers the stages in Jeeva's life in a very engrossing manner. His childhoood, the gory deaths, that warped his childhood innocence. His puberty spent without companionship, and his formative years spent in isolation and withuout guidance. Most of his life changing decisions just based on just a gut feeling that that was what his mentors might have adviced him to do. Every important phase in his life is puncuated with a death of someone important to him, and hence is lead astray in ever so many small degrees... which spin out of control over the next few years to make him... in his own words... 'Sivan'.

The director and script writer, Ram, has done a commendable job, and Jeeva plays a wonderful Prabha. He could have toned down a bit on his shock when he meets his college friends... and when he knows about their compensations. The rest of the cast barring the school headmaster, are just about mediocre.

Finally, I see that most of the reviews on the web about the movie attack the 'intelligence' and the lack of 'logic'. The same thing happened with Pudhupettai. The reviewers had found fault with the 'whys' of the crime as told from the killers POV. That is not the point at all. The director at no point of time is trying to justify the hero's actions. He is just narrating a story. If that sinks in, Katradhu Thamizh can be appreciated in a much more mature manner.

Play Review - Run for your Wife

2007-09-01T10:28:00.000-07:00

I think that was the name of the play we went for in Chinmaya Hall. I did not know anything about it... Infact I first thought that it was a play written by the performers themselves... (20 - 25 year old professionals). That was not to be... it was a long drawn out... laborious presentation of a 1985ish British play which in-fact had got pretty terrible reviews even in late 1980s America.

It would not suffice to just say.. oh ok.. have you watched 'Madhu +2?'.. well this is a 'British' version of the same.... even though the idea is similar. This version is a far less enjoyable, loud and ribald presentation of one guy having two wives and the trials and tribulations of such a situation. This is not the regular stiff upper lip British humour.... this play is from the guy who wrote other masterpieces like 'No Sex Please we are British..' The jokes are pretty crass even in 2006. Imagine how crass it must have been in 1985.

You know.. there are some 'pieces of art' that never loses its originality and watchability even after it has been rehashed a couple of million times. I do not mean comedies like MMKR which was my generation's first funny movie. I refer to comedies like Sabash Meena and Baama Vijayam which still are excellent comedies... even 40 years after it was made.

This play, has been rehashed in every other medium possible, and the jokes have been heard in different forms that it kind of loses its originality in its original form. The jokes, puns and innuendos just fall flat most of the time, partly because of repetition and partly because of that 'look at me... I am a media whore' kind of loud presentation by the cast. Besides all this, the biggest problem in the play was its length. At a little more than 2 hours, with 7 characters repeating their jokes, sitting through the play was tedious. If I had planned the play, I might have removed about 30 percent of the dialogues in each scene, and alltogether removed one homosexual character. Infact I would have removed all jokes relating to homosexuality...

Everything apart, I have to say that I quite enjoyed the first 30 minutes or so of the play. Especially the first scene where the two wives make separate calls to the police station. Very well choreographed. Stage management was also impressive... The stage being split into two... to present the two houses. I also have to say, it is pretty difficult to memorize so much insipid dialogues and so many forced puns.

The play is on tomorrow as well. Tickets start at 100 Rs. If you read this before that please do not bother too much. The 100 could be spent on better things... like the latest Kushwant Sing joke book.

Marudanayagam ?

2007-08-27T23:45:00.000-07:00

Impressive. To say the least.

Movie Review - Mr Brooks

2007-07-15T22:43:00.000-07:00

Unremarkable movie with a good cast. Mr Brooks offers a brief insight into the hows of serial killing without bothering with the why. The why is sidelined to just being a 'family trait'... if only the serial killers of the world were a slightly more respected lot, they could sue this movie maker for over simplifying the 'whys', and for making serial killing an almost partisan characteristic... like diabetes.

Mr Brooks at one point of the movie says... "Selecting a person to kill is almost like falling in love. If the person you select does not do it for you, there is no point in killing him." My thought was.. ayyyayyyyayyyo.. Arivu kozhundhu annein.. killi vaila daan potukanum. Though you got to give it to the director for presenting an interesting concept, he falters in not maintaining our interest in the storyline because of such over-simplifications.

There are million sub plots in this movie, and the way all the sub-plots have been interwoven, as usual, seems contrived. Mr Brooks's involvement with the detective, and her reasons seem to be more important than why Mr Brooks even wants kill. All this apart, there are certain areas that are still good. Some inside jokes between Mr Brooks and his alter-ego, especially when the blackmailer Mr Smith talks about doing anything perfectly, are minimally interesting. I am not sure if this movie is goign to be released in Chennai, but even if it is, will not be worth a watch.

Music Review - The Music Messiah

2007-07-10T17:51:00.000-07:00

You sometimes think, if a person is a genius, why would he have to boost his own public image. My initial reaction to the self titled album... was that. You cannot fault me, this would not be the first time Illayaraaja has tried something like that.

This album is interesting in that, there is an underlying story to the tracks (10 in number), and to quote the producer, Agi Music, "Agi Music provides a storyline for this album. Nevertheless, Agi suggests the audience to imagine their own version of the story to digest the music and motivates the listener to interpret their own meaning of the story which is hidden in this musical work." :-/. That is my version of the 'one sided dismissive smile'.

OK, in order for you readers to derive all the nutrients from his music, let me guide you through it.

1. Primordial Music - This is supposed to signify the natural music of the earth... starts with what I think is an oriental flute (I assume it is that, because on hearing it I am reminded of Kung Fu masters practicing their art in silhuoete... ). He lends his voice, and the opening firmly establishes the stamp of Illayaraaja... with a few violins wailing in bits and pieces. Just before the song gets to you, there is a change in track, in order to signify the yang of the Universe, the music suddenly turns dark. This is supposed to signify that the earth has its dark elements also. There has been an attempt to include 'earthy' bass instruments in both this song and the next.

2. Paradise - No flow in this. Why was the dark element in the previous song? This song starts on an upbeat mode, and reminds me of one other Illayaraaja composition. "Kala kalavena Mani Osai'... I liked that song, like this too.

3. Revelation - I have this one more crib against Illayaraaja. Why does he build up so well, and suddenly let you down? His sons too have the same quality. Uvan in 'Yaaro'.. in Chennai 28. he builds up pretty well in the song before he just wraps everything in a hurry with "Anbe Vaaaa" hey hey.... and a few unsettling drum beats.

4. The Jealousy of Indra - Apparently in the 'musical story', Indra the god of creation becomes jealous of the 'good music'.. the 'Ying' in the universe. The song starts out on a nice loop at the end, but then there is no continuation.

5. The curse of Indra - Indra was Jealous of the 'earth music'. So he curses. Must have pretty low standards.

6. Lust Anger and Greed - If you are following the story so far, this is teh sad part of teh album. Babies cry, violins wail really slowly... give it to Illayaraaja to make some really sad music. He excels. At the end of the sog, a baby laughs. I suppose that would be God trying to revert the curse of Indira.

7. The Music Messiah - The god ponders what to do. Hmm.

8. The Omnipresence - Hmmmmmmmmmmm

9. The Sacrament - God tries to re-invent music... to calm the minds of the people. It sounds like mood music / ambient tracks, with Native American shakers and davara tumblers rolling in the background. This Song reaches Indra, and he is rendered impotent.

10. The Redemption - The first track is replayed again, with a few fringes. The album ends.

I hope you 'digested' the album. I did, and this was the result. I hope you could get atleast a 'waft' of it it. Putrid.

Movie Review - The Queen

2007-07-05T00:05:00.000-07:00

This movie is indeed one among 'a few of a kind' (as opposed to the previous one I reviewed). It is not often that you would get to see a realistic yet entertaining portrayal of a seemingly uninteresting but poignant event. The event in this case was the official reaction of the Queen to the erstwhile Princess, Diana's death.This movie paints a brilliant satire, touching at times, of the ugly nationwide reaction to the passing of Diana, and the very dignified royal response. This is one movie, that I never wanted to end.

I had watched Judi Dench play different queens a couple of times, and Cate Blanchet play another, once. I thought all those representations were partisan, compared to Helen Mirren's performance. Remarkable. The seemingly strong, and poker faced queen, who never 'wears her heart on the sleeve', letting the emotions break through the surface just a few of times in the movie... Each time it happens, you are rewarded with a glimpse of how much work must have gone into the wonderful screenplay. It is a wonder Mirren has not been recognized for any of her earlier roles.

The movie, in one angle, revolves around the Royal family's displeasure at Diana's comportment. The narration begins the day before she dies. The family's resentment to her behaviour when she was alive, turns into quiet withdrawal on hearing of Diana's passing. This is twisted into 'arrogant indifference' by the preyign media, the second angle, and whipped up into a frenzy.

The third angle, is that of Tony Blair, who is but a few months into his first term. He, at first seems to have the legendary british sarcasm towards the Monarchy, and wants to modernize it in every way. He then understands the enormity of the situation he has to handle, first up, and in a quick turn of fate becomes the advisor to the Queen. The rest of the movie is about how a compromise is struck between Blair's intent to not harm the monarchy, and the Queen's rigidity in preserving tradition.

Every third party reaction is treated with extreme satire. Be it the crowds that wept outside the Palace or the extreme rudeness of the media. The tongue in cheek portrayal of how the Duke of Spencer's (Diana's brother) direct blaming of the media for her death in the early hours of her death, turns into a direct attack on the Monarchy during her funeral... suavely done.

The funeral in itself is covered in a tongue and cheek manner with an emphasis on the celebrities no way connected to Diana attending it... just so that it gets media coverage. The dialogues are regularly interspersed with what all of us would have thought at that time... when we see people completely otherwise unnafected by Diana, acting up like their entire future has been destroyed.
Among the movies I have watched over the last couple of months, this is perhaps the best... better than The Prestige by quite a bit.

Movie Review - Sivaji

2007-07-03T15:08:00.000-07:00

This has happened to me before. In the case of Snakes on a Plane. SOAP was a much hyped movie, and the premise was astounding. Putting two of peoples greatest fears... flying and snakes together in a movie along with Sam Jackson... one other mortal fear. It took me a couple of hours to actually accept to myself that the movie, in spite of its much hyped, much promised aura, is a remarkable flop in terms of entertainment value.

Sivaji is no different. This movie, flops in every sense of the word. This movie flops even if you disregard the lack of originality in Shankar's direction, ignore the pointless and half assed action sequences, and turn a blind eye to the blatant disregard to anything remotely resembling logic. The movie looks like as if someone had used flash movie maker to make the resume of a kindergarten student. And yet as a HR person, you are forced to consider it for a software architect position.

I watched this movie pretty late... the third week of release, and I was warned to not expect anythign great, and that the movie must be watched for Rajni and Rajni alone. So I prepared myself well, by leaving expectations of coherence, good screenplay and decent acting at home, in the freezer. I was prepared for the SS patented 'style', some gimmicks and a few childish feel good moments.

What I got was some horribly partisan gimmicks... (come on.. do you really think that throwing a chewing gum into your mouth by bouncing it off things is 'style'?), jarring BGM, and a few cliches strung together. That maketh the movie. The only 'new' thing that this movie offers is that Rajni has painted himself pink for one song.

It took me a few hours to accept that inspite of all the self build-up, SOAP was infact a terrible movie. I expect the Thamizh audience to realize that Sivaji is a truly boring, aimless, self absorbed movie that was not worth even the first watch.

And guys... people will fool you by saying that the last 10 minutes of the movie was worth every paisa, and it must not be missed for anything in life. It is just their way of saying that the first 45 hours of the movie sucked donkey dong real hard. Do not believe them.

Music Review - Sathampodadhey

2007-06-18T16:48:00.000-07:00

Noway is this Yuvan's best so far... but one of his better efforts. I would start out with my favourite.

Pesukiren - Sung by a few girls called the Viva Girls. Maybe their big break... they might have been heard only in bars before. Their voices blend pretty well, I think there are two of them. What is more interesting about this song is the choice of instruments... one interlude with the trumpet... playful at times and whimsical sometimes... is definitely loopable.
The second interlude too has someone getting innovative on the guitar. This song is the pick of the lot... especially when the chorus kicks in... Adangamaleeeee. Will be my favourite for a few days.

Kadhal Periyadha?
Sudha Raghunathan asking whether lust is better or love is bigger (or must it be the other way around?)... Why does it read incongruous but sound better? This would sound really nice if you have a good sub woofer. The effects are amazing. Other than that, nothing great... the trumpet makes a re-appearance in the interlude and the beat remains the same.

Azhagukutty
This song somehow sounds like a remixes of one of those Ayyappa songs, a progressive beat, and Shankar Mahadevan jamming. How does he not laugh while singing such idiotic lyrics?

Entha Kudhirayil?
Prananaadha??? :-(.

Indha Kaadhal
Yuvan HAS to sing in each of his movies... right ? And he essentially sings the same song over and over again.

Movie Review - The Prestige

2007-06-16T12:37:00.000-07:00

Whodunits. I grew up on Agatha Christie books. Do you know what is nice abotu those books? No... it is not just the intricate murder mysteries, but it is that AC was smart enough to respect your intelligence to embed a few clues, subtle, and then when the truth is revealed you could always go back and look up those clues. The 'clue' would then make total sense. Apart from Roger Ackroyd, there is no book of AC that I have read that does not have similar small clues that make sense to teh final result.

I will go back to Sixth Sense. That seemingly disconnected scene where Bruce WIllis goes and meets his wife on their anniversary holds such a lot of meaning to the final result. The wife leaves with a sigh, hardly having acknowledged the presence of Willis. Small hint, excellent lead... and it takes a sharp mind to understand it, and relate it.

The Prestige comes close, but is not quite there. This movie has similar leads to the final result. Not one, not two but quite a few since there are so many characters involved, and every one of those hints has an effect on the final revelation... called the "Prestige". The crib about this movie begins with the opening line. "Look closely or you might miss something".. or words to that effect. Teh crib is that you really do not have to look closely. Some of the revelations are so obvious that you have a higer chance of missing a ketchup stain on your paper resume. Some are not quite so obvious but yet, since you already know certain revelations, you put it together. In the end all the leads were guessable. Gives some people satisfaction. I was one among those satisfied.

The Prestige is one more genuinely good effort from Nolan. I have not been disappointed by any of his works so far. Bale as usual excels, being the really cold and calculating magician who is at war against Hugh Jackman, another magician. Jackman... does not have too much scope and is adequate. Michael Caine seems to be present in every role that requires an aged guy speaking in a British accent. He is the most sought after butler in Hollywood circles.

Comparing The Illusionist and The Prestige... ? I do not want to carp on it, but The Prestige is by far the better and more mature movie, because of the Agatha Christie explanation. The Prestige seemed better planned and more honest, while the Illusionist relied on keeping information from the viewer in order to effect the final surprise. The only cheat in this movie was the pseudo science, which if treated as just a black box... and not dissected too much, adds strength to the story.

I would recommend the Prestige over the Illusionist any day.

Movie Review - The Illusionist

2007-06-10T08:45:00.000-07:00

I had previously ranted about the dearth of good whodunits in Hollywood. The biggest problem in Hollywood is that most of the times, the scriptwriter would get caught in a rut of cliches, and the 'uniqueness' in any story would be aimed at breaking those cliches. Most of the times it fails. It fails like in "The Perfect Stranger" because the plot in itself is too weak, and in "Primal" because it becomes too self involved and convolutes too much.

The Illusionist is somewhere in between. It does not try to go the beaten path of trying to break down every movie cliche. Nor does it try to pose like a really intelligent story, that is intended to give you a walloping surprise at the end. It is just a very well executed, well acted and well written movie.

Another way of looking at this movie. See, every generation has its own "Primal Fear" or "Sixth Sense". The generation that gets astounded by "Sixth Sense" might always think that "Primal Fear" is not such a great movie. "The Illusionist" has the capacity to become a cult whodunit, if you discount the fact that there are more cheats in this movie than either 6th Sense or Primal fear. You would certainly like this movie if you have watched neither of the two movies I had mentioned.

Edward Norton is such a powerful actor. He fits the role of the Illusionist pretty much like... I dont know.. like Arjun suited the role of the 'Gentleman'. Perfect casting. Paul Giamati as usual plays a person who tries to work things out. he is always trying to solve some problem or the other, be it Sideways.. where he tries to work himself out, or the Lady in the Water where he tries to work something out for the narph.

I have a feeling the Illusionist is one of the better movies I have watched this year. Had an engrossing story, and all the 'magic' in the movie is not really magic... The magic really only happens at the end of the movie.

Movie Review - Oceans 13

2007-06-08T13:19:00.000-07:00

Oceans 13... I do not want to sound hackneyed on my own blog... but yes... this is one more big star extravaganza that fails to impress. After Spiderman and Pirates, one more self involved, pretentious and magnificent dud.

I have a feelign the failing point of this movie is that it is not smart... but it plods on, focussing on essentially stupid things, trying to scam you into believing that this is all really smart. It is like a obtuse student changing the colour of his ink to bright pink, in a vain atempt to impress the teacher.

Supposedly smart men, exchanging inside jokes, short conversations... got boring half way through Oceans 12. In the third you want to smack the obnoxious smile of Clooney's face. The purported camaraderie between men seems too tortured. Sodderburgh has been second guessing himself on the dialogues, and it seemed as though he would have thought to himself... ok you are expecting me to write this.. so I wont write this.

The heist?
The huge heist, as usual improbable, is explained only in the last few seconds of the movie. If revealing everything at the end, without giving us clues about it, is supposed to be smart film making, then please make each movie a 5 minute powerpoint presentation.

Electronic Gimmicks?
A computer that apparently tracks eyeball size, from a distance of 10 feet, and can measure heart rate (wireless heartbeat?) and sense increase in temperature and blood pressure. It is the central nervous system for security measures in a casino, but can apparently be shut down by blowing a few remote switchboards and sending in a 'magnetron' in the form of a... slim cell phone... Why not?

And hey guys, I can never understand the ability of a computer whiz... to hack into ANY computer in the immediete vicinity with just a laptop and a toothpick. This movie is almost like a cartoon when it shows the tech superiority of the rat pack.

Loaded dice that can apparently turn over to either one or six on the touch of a button, obviosuly undetected, and automatic blackjack card dealers that seem to throw out only blackjacks. Not to mention roulette balls that can settle on 13 everytime.

The non electronic 'gadgets' are even more messy.A tunnel digger... that has dug the chunnel is transported right from France to Las Vegas and is used to simulate an earthquake... imagine the logistics involved... A yapping dog sound making device, completely pointless. And so... after all that these guys have done, did they have to send hookers to the stuntman's cabin to steal his clothes? Come on !!! I am getting irritated even pointing out the logical erros in the movie.

The Oceans series??? Good in the first, OK in the second, Intolerable in the third. At the end of the movie you think, if albeit one of the best minds in Hollywood can only produce this, I do not think there is too much hope for Hollywood. Seriously speaking, the last movie that was even decently interesting was Memento. The rest have all been gimmicks.

Possibilities of 300 - part 2 ?

2007-06-05T21:47:00.001-07:00

I recently read a report that mentioned that Snyder and Miller might actually work on a follow-up to 300. THe article also mentions they might actually recreate one more magnificent Greek war in CGI splendour. So I went ahead and compiled a list of possible Greek wars that could be the seed for next movie.

1. Ofcourse the Battle of Marathon. It would be a good idea, and the story is highly dramatic

2. A remake of the seige of Troy would be redundant

3. The Peloponnesian Wars... but do you not want to watch Greeks battling other Greeks?

4. The battle of Salamis, where 350 Greek ships battled 1000 Persian ships. The battle was won by the Greeks. Could be a nice movie. Xerxeus witnessed this battle and would be a great follow-up to 300

5. Ofcourse the Battle of Plataea, where Xersus was eventually defeated. More common characters and high on interest value

6. Battle of Amphipolis is a war between Sparta and Athens... Athens lost 600 and Spartans 8 guys. That would be a treat.

7. Euremedon, another sea battle, that inflicted ehavy casualities on the Persian forces.

I suppose Amphipolis, Marathon, followed by Salamis (my personal favourite) followed by Plataea would be the choice. I would personally like more greeks speaking in Scottish accents irrespective of what war is being depicted

Movie review - Sivaji

2007-06-03T23:33:00.000-07:00

Gentleman Part 5 =
Mudhalvan Part 4 =
Indian Part 3 =
Anniyan Part 2 =
Sivaji

/I am officially bored
//I am going to boycott this movie
///This will be my review for the movie

Movie Review - Shootout at Lokhandwala

2007-06-03T20:59:00.000-07:00

1. Neha Dhupia looks like a horse. You be the judge.

/The horse NEigHs... and Neha... ?

//I was terribly bored.

///Whateva !!! I do what I want!

////Should it be 'Wali'?

Movie Review - Pirates of the Caribbean

2007-05-28T12:00:00.000-07:00

This is one of the most confusing movies I have ever watched. Let me give you the plot details... and you decide whether this movie is worth the 150 minutes you are going to spend on it.

In the first two movies, there were only 2 groups of people, and there werent too much of double crossing or triple crossing. In this, there are four groups of people, with subgroups inside them, that double, triple, quadruple and penta cross, completely crippling the story and our interest factor in the movie. In the end, the movie makes you wonder if this is what Crazy Mohan would come up with, if he had to write an action movie.

OK let me give you the storyline.... Just drag your mouse over the blank section to read the text... Spoilers start here.
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See, basically this movie is about Geoffrey Rush, meeting Chow Yun Fat, to bargain for the map the Davey Jone's locker, where he can find Jack Sparrow, with whose help he can get to the Shipwreck Island, where 9 different pirates can decide on... Wat to have for breakfast.... and debate.. PIRATE LAW !!!

In one of the scenes, a character quips, 'does Jack plan all this or does he just make it up as he goes on...' I have a feeling the writers were talking about themselves when they thought it up. The sequences are pointless to a large extent, some of the dialogs are confusing and the reasoning completely ad-hoc. For example, why does Turner's father, at the end of the movie say... "You know she cannot come with us?", when he very well knows Swann has already been to the Davey Jone's Locker and has returned successfully?

What is the initial intent of trying to get Jack Sparrow back. Was it to kill Davey Jones, or was it to reach the Shipwreck island on the Black Pearl, one of the fastest ships on earth, or... what?

There also seems to be no specific logic in the kind of deals people made... I frankly do not know when deals were made... through email maybe? because frankly there could not have been so many deals forged without some sort of lightning communication. And if Chow Yung Fat already had a deal with the British, why did they attack him at his bathhouse? Hmm.

Finally what was the rationale behind Becket not firing even one shot while two ships cannonaballed him?
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Spoilers ended there... and see this movie is going to be released in Sathyam. I would advice you to not go near Thousand Lights for the next 1 month or so. I am sure there would be a huge yuppie crowd which is going to come out saying "oh what a 'mind blasting' movie"... or words to that effect. YOu would end up wanting to bash their heads in with a cricket bat...

This is a gloriously pointless movie... it would have been nice if the director had intended it that way.

Movie Review - Pan's labyrinth

2007-05-27T22:34:00.000-07:00

The selling point for this movie... for me to watch a 'CGI extravaganza' was the fact that this movie got a 20 minute standing ovation at some film festival. I felt, if so many people could appreciate something in this movie, why not give it a try? I watched the movie... and I was impressed.

Movies, like Narnia and Bridge to Terabithia were good movies in their own right... they appealed to the clan of humans who had still been pooping in their nappies at the turn of the century. The movies did not attempt to retain the innocence of the children... their heroes. Children performed humungous feats of strength, like battling chimeras and mountain lions and jumping across oceans. The stories in itself did not have any charm other than giving parents a feeling that probably this is what the children wanted to see.

Pan's labyrinth distances itself quite safely from such tripe. The story has all the ingredients to charm a child, and still manages to interest adults too. This movie has managed to maintain the innocence of the lead character. A 12 year girl... she thinks her mother is 'sick with baby'... her expression for the being pregnant. The child has very simple explanations to everything that happens around her, which kind of takes us back to "Life is Beautiful" for a moment. The story in itself also has a sort of an Enid Blyton simplicity to it, with the slight grotesqueness of Roald Dahl's children's stories. The blood, the violence, the deaths and the slightly dark surroundings may not be exactly suitable for all children, but plays its part in keeping adults too interested. The CGI in this movie plays its part more in astounding us.. into thinking... "Now they can do this?". It is a pity this movie never got to hit the screens in India.

Movie Review - Karuppusamy... Kuthagaikkarar

2007-05-21T20:34:00.000-07:00

I do not know why I watched this movie. But I had nothign else to do. The movie is as people would put it, 'Village subject based youth movie', is about a girl who sees her mother in a man... and falls in love with him so that she can study better. Hmmm. I feel you are confused. Are you not? I am too.

Karan, I have a feeling is the new age Sivaji Ganesan. He has plenty of opportunity to overact, and acts for everyone else also in the movie. The heroine does an excellent impression of a wet sponge. She is almost always leaking water from her eyes. The rest of the cast is mostly hair... I did not know everyone in Madurai walked around with hairballs instead of faces. The hair density of the rest of the cast, makes our dear Teeyar look like Cho Ramaswamy.

Anyway enough of the slander. This movie is pure tripe made to look like one of those Veyyil, Kadhal movies that survived on the "locals doing local things" feel. In the end it manages to look like a wannabe Kadhal... and Kadhal is not a movie that you would want to imitate. Certainly not.

Talking about imitations, Karan overacts as a mimicry artist. He is called Xerox, because he can imitate any person on earth. He had pretty low standards I suppose, because his imitation of Rajini in Murattu kalai stopped with a handlebar moustache and white clothes. He could not even get the SS stare right. Meenakshi (the wet sponge) is Kanakambaram or one of those other flower names common in Thamizh Nadu... and is a school topper who falls in love with Karan. Karan apparently reminds her of her mother... I am not surprised... if all the men are hairballs, anyone with a pencil thin moustache is a woman... right?

Anyway Karan falls in love with good intentions in mind... 'ie' to make the sponge study. I am sure she would not have studied even the cover page of her textbooks... with the amount of loitering around she does with Karan. Hey do not mistake me, she is a sponge... and is already wet. She cannot soak in any more knowledge...

Then things happen... more hairballs turn up and wave sharp metal objects around. There are more self righteous talks about 33 percent reservation for women, and Abdul Kalam havign great plans for single women... There is a photograph of Kalam or Gandhi whenever Karan begins his monologues. I do not know how every other character listens, but I want to quickly squirt some quickfix into his mouth everytime he he opens it. He periodically visits the hairball family to plead for the the sponge to study. He usually ends up either black or blue in the face and body.

Some time later, there is a fight and the movie ends. And oh I forgot to mention... there is a song before the fight. Infact more than one song. In the end, the moral of the story is that Karan could become a really nice character artist if he could just tone down on the jaw movements and overacting.

Movie Review - The last king of Scotland

2007-05-20T12:38:00.000-07:00

I am Tendulkar if the movie is McGrath... clean bowled over. This is a very nice movie. I've watched other Africa-centered movies,... The Constant Gardener, Hotel Rwanda, Blood Diamond... and what else ? I do not remember the others, but this movie should be remembered for... surprisingly, it's humour !

The first half of the movie is definitely mirthful, and is in sharp contrasl to the pretty heavy second half. I am talking about halves here... because, the attrocities of Amin come as a complete surprise to Garrigan, the main character, breaking the movie clearly into two... one humourous the second gruesome to say the least.

Ok let me backtrack a bit... this movie is about a Scottish doctor Nicholas Garrigan who gets to become a close confidante... a 'chief advisor' to Idi Amin, the Ugandan dictator. He gets introduced to Idi Amin (a memorable scene), and Amin likes him immedietely because he is Scottish. He gets the opportunity to work with Amin, who appears, at the beginnign as a slightly violent but benevolent leader of the masses. "This is Africa, if you are not firm and violent, you will get killed", Garrigan reasons to justify the violence he sees. At the same time, Idi Amin charms Garrison by exposing his humourous side. When Amin tries to convince Nick to stay with him in his palace, the tone is almost childlike... Garrigan gets fooled.

Garrigan too has his own personal corrupting elements. He gets enamoured initially by the opulence in Amin's castle, and settles down there... cannot blame him, his only other option is the malaria infested jungle hospital.

Then he awakens from blissful ignorance to all the killings going on around him, and begins to doubt Amin. His initial reaction is to run away, to Scotland, but is once again persuaded to stay back. The proves to be his undoing. He gets caught between trying to protect Amin... his friend, and trying to stop Amin... the violent mass murdering psychopath... The final few scenes come as a shock to almost everyone in the theater. The adjective 'tasteful' will not exactly be fit... but I did not see any excesses. Hmm... you might not want to take my word for it... my previous movie had been Grindhouse. I kind of enjoyed it to say the least.

The movie has, among other things very nice performances by Forest Whitaker, and by James McAvoy. Hard to believe this guy's most mentionable role was as a fawn called Tumnus in Narnia.

The movie has been running in Sathyam for a while, i suppose it is worth the time you spend for it.

Movie Review - Chennai 600028

2007-05-18T13:19:00.000-07:00

Monday morning... 7.30 route number 12. One more boring week of novel reading and insipid engineering subjects... the only thing that used to actually keep me going was the chant of Saturday... Saturday... I used to spend the entire week looking forward to saturday mornings in Somasundaram ground and a nice round of cricket with friends.

Those were the days, when Somasundaram Grounds were dominated by this fearless bunch of Lungi boyz, or the Mark Waugh team. The captain looked uncannily like Mark Waugh... only darker and shorter. His strokes were wide... not in choice but in scope... and was limited to only one swing, starting from behind the shoulder and ending behind the other shoulder... the arc wide... and if by chance, this arc intersected the arc made by the ball... we usually ended up buying another tennis ball. This deadly stroke was played to ward off every delivery...

Those were the days when cricket cheering was limited to catch phrases like "Well ma Well ma... well shot ma... " words I am sure would bring a smile to me when I am 90. And oh those were also the days when nothing... not even the early India - Australia series would deter us from walking those few kilometers to the ground, lugging 2 bats apiece, every Saturday morning.

Chennai 600028 captures the essence of that kind of purposeful life. A life mainly dedicated to playing cricket, and taking pleasure from little else. It is not the "Iqbal" kind of 'triumph of human spirit' movie. It is more of a glorified social commentary on the lives of the Lungi Boyz... the Well ma gang.

Their love lives, their squabbles and thier drinking interspersed with some nice songs (Uvan has excelled in this movie) and lots of montages of happenings in teh cricket field. The movie in general has an easy-going feel to it. The director never really stays on a subject for more than 3 - 4 minutes, and in general the movie is edited poorly.

But still, it is like sitting outside a ground and following atleast 3 crciket matches at teh same time. You follow one game for abotu 2 overs... and then switch onto one other game.. and then return to the first game only to moev onto the third game in a while. In the end you get glimpses of each game, but the fact remains is that you have been entertained solidly.

The story is narrated pretty much the same way, with plenty of lose ends and tangential storylines. If ever you get bored with something, just wait a bit and the entire movie changes. I was reminded of a Roger Ebert line.... "The screenplay was like someone had thrown the entire bunch of papers into the air and had presented the scenes in teh order the sheets came down"...

And yes... the fact remains that yuou have been entertained solidly for the 150 minutes. It is a nice aimless movie, though not a must watch.

Movie Review - NAI

2007-05-13T13:26:00.000-07:00

"Naan avan illai..." is something you would say to defend yourself from your friend if he had seen you outside the theatre playing NAI. It's common to remix old songs and movies... usually it is done after giving due credit to the original creator. In the case of NAI though, Balachander is not even mentioned for writing the story. On watching the movie the truth is revealed. Apparently, the old man had requested his name be taken off the 'credits' if you may, on watching the rushes.

Anyway, as far as I understood, the movie is about showcasing 5 women, and making the audience guess the cup sizes of each one of them. With Malavika's and Namitha's playing a prominent part, there is little else of screen space to show any semblence of a story or anything else for that matter.

Jeevan plays Gemini Ganesan of the orignial, but talks the same way in each one of the 6 roles he plays. Apart from different hair styles, he does little else to display different personalities. Absolutely insipid presentation and dialogue delivery. His way of talkign is so uniquely insipid that you need no further evidence to link all the characters he plays.

The makers needed space for 6 songs, and 2 fights. So the dialogues are from a cartoon book... The dialogue writer is some sort of Mani Ratnam whith a more concise vocabulary. Usually the wooing dialogues go like this...

Jeevan with weird hairdo : Naan vandhu London la 1000 kodi ku sondha kaaran
Girl : Wow. Enakku London pidikkum
Jeevan : Oh nice, enakku India pidikkum
Girl : Enna kalyanam pannikareengala?

The entire movie is narrated from the court room, and if you thought the wooing scenes were low on interest value, the courtroom scenes were Enron shares. The narration also holds no tension with a song thrusting itself in.. pardon the pun, every 4 minutes or so. Jeevan keeps saying the movie title a few million times in a weak attempt at humour.

There is an attempt to bring in a level of contemporariness to the story, by including DNA matching and truth serum tests, but try as they may, it is impossible to salvage the weak storyline and weaker presentation by the main actors. I suppose it is too late to say 'avoid it', but the do not watch the movie even when shown on TV, on the day it is impossible to go out in the streets in Chennai. I mean... ofcourse... the day MuKa dies.

Movie Review - Flags of our fathers

2007-05-09T02:08:00.000-07:00

A new evening. A new movie. This time since there was nothing else to watch other than Chennai 600028. I was saving it for the weekend adn so I watched Flags of our Fathers... their fathers. The oremise.. teh story reminded me of Conrad Brean (excellent role by de Niro) in Wag the Dog.. saying "One little image of one smart bomb falling down a chimney... and the American public bought the war". I suppose the same thing had happened even in World War 2.

America had been in the war for over 4 years, and money was running short. They needed to raise 13 billion... otherwise their war was over. What do they do? Once again I was reminded of a Wag the Dog reference. The character Stanley Motts played by Distin Hoffman saying.. "What was I thinking !!! We have a war and we do not have a hero??? We NEED a hero..."

The American public needed a hero, a champion who would epitomize America's victory in the war... for the public to bank roll it. And just as Hollywood producers now turn to their media managers and PROs to increase a movie's worth before its release, the American government turned to its media division. Iwo Jima got caught in the lime light and that image of the second flag being raised... played a significant role in raising part of 13 billion dollars needed for the war.

What is interesting in this movie is the disparate understandings of this significant event by the involved parties. The soldiers who raised the first flag, came back to the USA and who became part of the 'bond drive', did not want to be perceived as heroes, because they, as soldiers did not do much towards the victory. The people who wanted to use this excellent photograph as the poster for propaganda, thought of them mainly as prize resources.
The reason why the second flag was raised, was seen through the soldier's eyes... as primarily army politics, while the general public viewed the reason behind raising the flag as a staged photo opportunity. The politicians wanted to encash on this to further their bigger level plans. Neither of the intentions were dishonourable, except possibly the politician's view, which, to quote Colonel Nathan Jessop saying, "Grotesque as it may seem, their existence is absolutely necessary..."

That was the story, a really interesting and topical story, with the current war going on. The difference being that, WW 2 was necessary. There was a clear threat and clear agression on the part of America's enemy. The reasoning behind the current war not compeletely clear to the people and yet the US Government has come back with the most powerfully staged photo ops in history.

This shot of the flag being raised was the seed for such a marketing concept and has been done in as suave a way as possible. The movie in general talks about how each view of the war, is in essence a necessity in the broad scheme of things.

The final statement... "There are no heroes in real life... just ordinary men doing ordinary things... but the heroes are made as and when are needed", suits the cynical attitude of today's society. This is a slow moving movie, I did not like the way the events had been sequenced, but still a movie worth its 2 hours running time.

Movie Review - Periyar

2007-05-07T09:28:00.000-07:00

There was a man... a rebel, who could not tolerate a lot of idiotic customs followed in society. He fought against society, won some lost some and could gather a tremendous following. Just like any successful leader, he realized very early in life, to target one part of society, that was purportedly superior to the rest and play the politics of separation to gain the afforementioned following.

This man's agenda was simple. Even in 1930s, when the Brahmin population in Thamizh Nadu was only 3 percent, he made broad claims that they controlled all of society's wealth. What he comfortably neglected to talk about was the percentage of educated public that was brahmin.

What is also comfortably neglected was that he directly asked for 50 percent reservation in government jobs and doctors without understanding whether there were enough doctors and educated people to fill government jobs. What was interesting is that he never started any schools which could teach the downtrodden, but directly demanded jobs for the downtrodden.

How things further played into his hands was the stupidity of Rajaji to have created the Kula Kalvi Thittam, almost as a chariot for Periyar to ride on.

What was more criminal on Periyar's side was that he would shamelessly combine Brahmin bashing with Hindu hatred, inspite of the rest of the 97 percent of the population following the same 'stupid' Hindu religious superstitions.

What was even more criminal on Periyar's part was the fact that he would hit the idols of the gods with slippers, something that he himself had been beaten with as a child. The slipper is something of an underlying theme in the movie.

What completely exposed Periyar for the blackguard he is, was when he proclaimed August 15 as a day of mourning because only Brahmins would rule India.

What was shameful on Periyar's part would be his usage of Brahmin wealth and means to propagate anti-Brahmin thoughts and fervour.

What is most criminal is the way the movie has been made portraying Periyar as a great thinker with only noble intentions in mind. Great leader he was, but most of his thoughts were short sighted and most of intentons suitable only for the sewage.

What is extremely heartwarming is that the Chennai audience understood the shameless propaganda that goes on in this movie and hence have carefully avoided it. This movie is suited for people who still think it was the Brahmins who made the state the way it is now. This movie is a vessel for inebriated college guys who could not get a job because of their own stupidity to gloat over and blame their inefficacy on 'corrupt' Brahmins. This movie is basically for people who have no intelligence but yet do not want to take the blame for it.

Movie Review - Spiderman 3

2007-05-05T13:26:00.000-07:00

There are some movies... that are so bad that you will not even enjoy abusing them. There was this movie called 'Marine' with John Cena which had absolutely NOTHING... neither new nor old... nothign at all. It just had John Cena chasing down bad guys and destroying them. I thought there could not be another movie that is worse than "Marine". This is by far the worst movie ever from Hollywood and it would take the likes of Rob Reiner, the weasel (whats up buuuudy) and Rob Schneider together to make a worse movie.

Then I watched Spiderman 3. I stood corrected. I have newfound respect for Rob Schneider. His movies can even be entertaining. Not even that Kashmiri movie that I saw in 1985 on DD... was as bad as Spidey 3. That movie had a story that was logical in all its negative IQ splendour. Spidey 3 had colours and sound. Thats it... thats where all similarities with 'movies' end. There is nothing else in Spiderman 3 that would make anyone... who can poop without help... call it a movie.

Nothing new in S3. You recognize old but necessary characters like the Spiderman, the aunt, the friend and the girl friend. They all are still in the same city and keep talking pretty much the same way about the same mundane things. You know the director has to keep stressing that superheroes have normal lives too. The only problem is that apart from those normal lives, superheroes seem to have terribly cliched superhero lives.

For eg: Spiderman suddenly says, "I think I will propose to Mary Jane" and the aunt comes up with an archaic story about how she and the dead uncle went ice skating in the Sahara... in their dreams. We had seen the same thing happen only 255234 times before in the earlier Spiderman movies. Usually seen with dialogues like.. "You gotta know what you gotta do..." and "Just ask yourself whether you would do what you wanted to do..." and "Would this actually make you do something better to yourself by not doing everything by itself". I really do not know how many rounds of whisky goes in before people write this trash... Thankfully such things were drowned by even more inebriated whistles in the CASINO theatre in Chennai.

Spidey also is eteranlly questioning himself... is attacked by evil thoughts/aliens and loses his powers to do 'good' to the world. Then timely advice by friend/aunt/dog/church bell... takes over and he regains his good spidey powers. Frankly if at all he had wanted to do any good, he should have slingshot the Spiderman 'reels' into space above and beyond, much ebfore they got a chance to corrupt us.

The S1 S2 mirros go on. There is the friend, who wants to wreak revenge on spidey, because he thinks he has killed the father. Then there is Mary Jane who is always aspiring to be something... and that somethign always eludes her. She wanted to be a singer, but it eludes her, she wanted to be a model... it eluded her.. and she fianlly wants to be a waitress... but she ends up on the floor... punched in the face by 'bad sipdey'. Pretty much like Kirsten Durnst... she had always wanted to act... and it will always elude her.

Tobey Mcguire. He had the same expressions in Seabuscuit as in Spiderman 1,2 an 3 and the same voice that he had as a kid asking for cookies. There is something innately idiotic about watching a 35 year old man whose voice has not broken yet, play an adult superhero with a 'Muraliesque' love interest. I cannot really put my finger on it... but I am sure if someone could... it would be a red button that would blow the entire Spiderman movie franchise off the face of the earth.

The earth is truly cursed if there is going to be a Spiderman 4. I would prefer an asteroid or global warming to that.

Movie Review - Perfect Stranger

2007-05-04T06:11:00.000-07:00

There has never been a dearth of ambitious whodunits from Hollywood. All of them start out with the murder and all fingers pointing very clearly to one person. Every few minutes during the screenplay, there is purpotedly a 'twist in the tale'... and a new person emerges as the main suspect...but the nothing is obvious as that and so the least possible person ends up being the killer finally. In some cases like Primal fear, it pays off well, but in other cases like the Perfect Stranger, we end up being the victim. The mass murdered in this case being the director.

What differentiates the good movies from the bad whodunits ? Motive. And how th motive is revealed to us. In movies like Primal Fear and Usual Suspects, NOTHIGN new is revealed at the end except the killer's identity. The story essentially remains the same, and the way it is viewed is slightly adjusted. In other words, the perspective is slightly altered without an alteration of the facts.

In the recent whodunits, miss this quality. The movie is extremely slow paced with the suspects changing every 30 minuets or so, and the bulk of the partisan motive is shown as a chunk in the last 2 minutes when almost 80 percent of the theatre has walked out. The ending is a total let down. It is not worth wasting so 2 hours for this movie. Sleep. That would be more exciting.

Movie Review - Wild Hogs

2007-05-01T14:12:00.000-07:00

John Travolta, William H Macy, Martin Lawrence and Tim Allen decide to do something about their completely washed up lives... and take a bike ride to the Pacific... I should say the story was almost autobiographical. None of these actors have done anything better than act in Sunday school plays in the last 4 years... unless you want to count Martin Lawrence as the bear with a Brooklyn accent in "Open Season".

The supporting cast of this movie also sounds like someone had run a fishing net through the sewers of Hollywood. Once great now discarded actors like... Ray Liota, Marisa Tomei make appearances and hold onto the movie like dud limpets.

Apparently this movie was intended to be a comedy... but clearly what has happend was that the writer had known only two 'funny' words in the english vocabulary. One is 'doodie', and the other is 'gay'. So we are doled heaps of the first and bushels of the next. We are treated to jokes like Macy bagging his poop because he is a computer programmer neat freak. We have a buff highway patrolman really liking the idea of four grown men sleeping together and wanting to join them. He follows them around and appears only when one of the four men or all four are undressed.I think those ideas are so much of a cliche that even writing about them became a cliche 10 years back.

On the whole, this is a movie that can be safely avoided. The story seems like something the 'Sideways' folks kept aside with a pair of tongs, and the jokes are straight out of something Bill O Reily might read in the restroom. The cast is actors even Hollywood is ashamed of and the movie... something that would run very hard and quickly to the Razzies.

Movie Review - Unnale Unnale

2007-04-23T00:07:00.000-07:00

This is in response to some of those reviewers who have praised Unnale Unnale... Well let me give yo ua few more reasons to praise the movie.

Tanisha... she has completely forgotten the movie was Thamizh and lip synchs for French dialogues. She introduces herself with... "Enakku friends na romba pidikkum...". Reminds me of the hordes of male profiles in TamiMatrimony that claim "They like having fun". Hehehe.. I always would suggest that they extend that nugget with,"I like to be happy but don't mistake me... I am not gay". It is sure to get everyone's attention.

How is it that everyone seems connected to every other person in the movie? So hero falls in love with a girl, who is suspicious of him and breaks off, So he goes to the same obscure Australian city as she lives, without knowing about it. So he sits next to a girl who just happens to go to the same city in the same continent... AND who is the room mate/friend of his old flame. I expected to even see the air hostess in the Australian flight to appear as one of their friends in the coffee shop.

The coffee shop owner!!! That irritating guy with thick glasses from Ullam Ketkume, is everywhere. He suddenly appears on both sides of the love story and gets stuck like fast drying cow dung. He is a hard to remove smear. He is a totally unnecessary character in an otherwise also unnecessary movie. The dialogues... apparently they were very good because quite a lot of youth in the theatre associated themselves with it. "Ponnunga paatha Just looking.. Naanga paatha alayaroma ?".. If that was the basis for the tiffs of 'lovers'... I urge you guys... please turn away... or better stil, turn gay. There is no reason to continue with your present relationship.

The story could be writen on the back of a postage stamp. It is not worth mentioning in any review. The story is so insipid that the director had to use 4 songs as a filler during the second half.

The hero looks and laughs like he has the answer to all relationship questions, but is eternally confused between the two girls. Sada looks like his elder sister when she wears make up. Tanisha as the bubbly open minded alternative to the morose suspiciuos Sada is a movie cliche in any language and can be comfortably ignored. The Ulam Ketkumey guy has to be murdered. The rest of the cast is better swept under the carpet. Shameful.

The music is the saving grace. So if at all you want to spend money or time on the movie, download the songs from Tamilbeat. It takes 5 minutes and it gives you twice as much fun.

Movie Review - 300

2007-04-06T00:58:00.000-07:00

It has always been a dream of mine... to watch a movie.. first day first show... I am a nerd. A HUGE nerd. I am glad I did it for this movie. So Sathyam theatres... Friday morning.

The movie... is everything I had expected and more. It is not everytime a viral marketing campaign on the internet works... we saw it falter miserably with Snakes on a Plane. But with 300, it worked and the movie made 150 million.

There is a theory that I propose for a viral marketing campaign to suceed. A VM technique is all about expectations... and 300 in all its simplicity, herded all those expectaions towards one narrow gully. Every single person who wanted to watch the movie, expected blood geysers, mountains of gore , and lots of adrenalin pumping in choreographed fight sequences.

We got that... and much much much more. 20 feet tall elephants, a mad charging rhino... ogres, scheming hunchbacks, killing, maiming and slicing through flesh... mountains of dead people , Punch dialogues all through out... and ofcourse I dont think anyone would have played Leonidas better than Gerry Butler. 300 is a case of getting much much more than what you expected during a VM campaign. And the VM campaign makes you expect LOTS of some very small thing.

This movie also works because it depicted the randomness of a war with all the rigid planning of a Spartan. The dialogues would put Liyaquath Ali Khan to shame... Wish Hari and Perarasu would watch this movie and learn hwo to write punch dialogues. Every character has a cool thing to say in even the most hopess situation... and sells the line so damn well !!! Vijay !! your punch dialogues in Pokkiri are kitten mews.. compared to this. I am ashamed and would never watch another Vijay movie again.

300 is a must watch. In the theatre. Playing in Sathyam and INOX. I do nto know how long INOX is going to be up... but watch it. I myself plan to watch it atleast 3 more times.

Music Review - Sivaji

2007-04-05T02:02:00.000-07:00

Wow !!! Wow!!! no words to describe it.. Sivajeeeee... What songs ! I cannot wait to watch the movie.

Ballelakka
1. SPB... Incomparable singing... (who else but SPB for an opening song for SS ?)

2. Phenomenal lyrics... (Where else can you get Kaveri Aaru and Idly chutney in the same line??? but in a Sivajee song ).
Ayyanarukitta Aruval vaangi thaan Pencil seevalamey ???
Abdul Kalam atom bomb vangi Diwali kondadalamey ???
Why not ? if you are already feeling like you have adrenochrome in your veins!!! But makes you wonder is he the same SS who asked you.. "Poo Parikka kodaali edhukku?" in Muthu. Adrenochrome is a strange drug... ask Hunter S Thmpson.

3. Spirited beats (Dholak... Was sivamani cloned TWICE to record for this song? Poor Dholak). I would not say this intro song is better than the one in Basha. But hey this is... COOOL !!!!! :D.... kewl. I want to see SS lip synching to it. Single most hilarious moment in Thamizh movie history.

Athiradee Kalam!!!
When did SS become a Telugu actor ?? I can imagine Prabhas dancing to this... Ginger and Cinthol are being rhymed. With ARR singing he could rhyme Orange with Butter Jam...
Sayanora ? Really ? Someone named you 'goodbye' the day you were born ? They must have heard your thamizh accent. :-). Amazing.. and Roger Moore must be flattered that he is being compared to Rajni...

Vaada Vaada Vangikkada. Sooda Sooda Masaal Vada.
Oh... Quentin... do you think you are the only person to have machette sounds in your soundtrack !!?? ARR goes one step beyond.. starts out with the sound of an aruvamanai flying about and composes one entire song with other household sounds... like banging aluminium kadais, bedpans being emptied and the bowel movements of someone suffering from indigestion. Take that QT. You know ARR is way better. There is also the sound of an old Jimi Hendrix LP being scratched up for good measure. 'Kewl' :-).

Follows up with lyrics like..
Vaada Vaada vangikkada. Vaila Beeda potukkada !!!.. Pah !! Well I suppose Sivaji is an NRI who opens a vegetarian mess in Gobichettypalayam. That atleast explains the indigestion part.

Movie Review - Sabari

2007-03-21T06:15:00.001-07:00

Dr Sabhari Vasan MBBS MS FRCS DS and the leading cardio thoracic surgeon in the world, universe and beyond. He performs open-heart surgeries in the light of a cell phone (aaparaysun suxus), with his left arm tied behind his back, has performed 1000s of simultaneous heart operations, like Vishwanathan Anand plays rapid chess and has cured millions of the most dangerous disease on earth... boredom.

There are no big surprises in the movie, and it definitely pales in comparison to Gajendra and Vaanjinathan. This is more of a mellow Ramana without the thrills and minimal dialogues. The fights are more or less similar to his other movies, with each guy getting utmost 2 punches before he drops down in a heap of bones.

What stands out in this movie, are ofcourse his political innuendos. When he talks in favour of the 60,000 Sri Lankan tamils, he says there were so many aeroplanes sent to get Indians back from Lebanon... but not even basic amenities to these people. I was like hulo.. these are refugees, those are Indian citizens. There is a difference.

The paisa vasool moment, was Gaptain with bling. Imagine, Captains already weird dress sense... and he now wears bling and pimps his clothes up!!! Plus he raps inside a stretch limo with hoes around !!!! When he nods his head he resembles a boom boom maadu dressed up by a colour blind maatukkaran who just had too much to drink. Watch this movie for that alone. His Pimpiness The Gaptain.

He strikes a few B-Boy stances without the guns (remember those plastic guns in Alexander?)... and all of us swoon. Malavika's grace the occasion and they move about like bowling balls on a trampoline. The other love interest is Jyothirmayi. Her name is longer than her presence in the movie.

There are arbit characters... why do all indian girls want to become astronauts? Delhi Ganesh as Sabari's father, performs hsi own stunts when he flies about, and a truly ugly sister. She looks like Delhi Ganesh in drag. But she manages to look better than gaptain as a pimp.

This movie also has 2 climax sequences, one in flashback and the other real time, spaced 2 minutes apart. The movie ends with Sabari mourning over the people whom he kills... Apparently Vijayakanth had said the movie mainly showcases doctors and their problems. I don't know how many doctors have to fight pitched battles with real estate kingpins... But if you have to... you can learn from our Sabari.

Movie Review - Deepavali

2007-03-17T08:26:00.002-07:00

I had the opportunity to witness this movie with one great friend:-). One of the few times... i have company for a movie. So, well I would have ended up enjoying even a Kashmiri art movie dubbed into Chinese.

Well... imagine this situation. You are working in an Irish town... for 6 months and for the 6 months, you end up eating mashed potatoes cos that is the only vegetarian dish that you get there. Suddenly someone gives you cabbage... how would you feel? I would devour it.. even if it had been left in the fridge for 6 months... Deepavali is just that. Refrigirated 6 month old cabbage. This cabbage curry is garnished with a pinch of Moondram Pirai, a smattering of Gilli and a motherload of bullshit. But apart from that the movie is pretty watchable.

'Billu'.. yes that his real name, is a New Washermanpet dogooder and son of Vijaykumar (who for a change does not resemble or behave like a retarded grizzly bear). Billu falls in love with a girl who switches her memory on and off whenever she boards a Tata Sumo or a Safari. Raghuvaran explains this remarkable medical phenomenon in a few sentences... he says,

"Sometimes when there is a head injury, you say... 'I dont remember what happened'. It is true. You really do not remember what happened. That is called loss of memory, or in law terms, the Clinton defense. "

He adds. "I tried this logic, when I hit my teacher once on the head... but they whipped me for that. Apparently the loss of memory is only for the person who gets hit".

Love blossoms and scatters seed (dirty dirty) inspite of this, and the girl extracts a promise from Billu. "Even if I forget you, will you continue to chase me and get married only to me?". Hahahaha.. only a guy could have thought up the logic... a girl... wants someone whom she does not even remember, to stalk her... She even says, if she gets married to someone else, she will die... Hehehe. Why do these directors try to think like women? They must just stick to the cliches. Why try to experiment?

Anyway, the girl loses memory yet again and moves to Bangalore. She roams near the KR Puram bridge, Forum Mall and that Kerala restaurant off Brigade road, where ourman time and again tries to convince her of his true intentions... like any stalker would. He gets stabbed, beaten, run over, stabbed again and hit on the head, for his efforts, but persists. This happens like 20 times in the second half and bores us to death.

By now we are approching the 160 minute mark, and there is no end in sight, the girl's marriage is fixed. Billu abducts the girl and brings her to Chennai. Goons follow her, and they try to bring her back. The movie ends with the titles.

There is soemthing that happens for 3 minutes between the time when the Goon's Sumos road into New WashermanPet and the titles which is best left to your imagination. Suffice to say, it does not salvage this stinking cabbage curry of a movie. It is going to stink even in the North pole. Take a good friend to the movie. Maybe you would enjoy it.

Movie Review - Muni

2007-03-14T14:43:00.000-07:00

This is my dream movie. A telugu movie, made in Thamizh. Not like Maanbumigu Measthree which is nothing but half assed dubbing work. This is actually a Telugu movie, but made solely for Thamizh audiences. The dialogue has tinges of Gongura, the acting smells KoruveeKaaram and the action reeks of Avakka.

Ragava Larencce (The artist formerly known as Lawrence). Seriously that is how he spells his name... and talking about stretching superstitions to more than just a few extraaaa vowels, Muni is a movie about the ghost of Muniyandi, who, even though seems to have the power to kill a yak, at 200 yards, with mind bullets, (Wonderboy? What is the secret of your power?) requires the stairs to climb down from the first floor to scare people out of their senses. I have watched so many ghost movies, but not once has that mystery been explained. Why do ghosts use the stairs when everything else they do defies physics?

Muni is the ghost of Raj Kran (Raaj Kiran to the unitiated... you know where the extra vowels have gone), who now resides inside Larencce, who by the way resides in the villains house, where Muni was originally killed for reasons best left unmentioned. Oh what the heck... I will mention it anyway.

Muni is just too good a guy to continue living. He thinks good, acts good and eats good. He wants to get his daughter married so that he can have grandchildren. He wants to have grandchildren so that they will kick him on his chest. He wants them them to kick him there so that ... anyway you get the idea. He is a nice guy. So he has to be killed... pretty much like how any kung fu master is killed... it is one of the laws of nature.

The rest of the movie is about the ghost defining retribution to the 'evil doers' pretty much like BrickTop (Snatch?) would do, and Laarence, blue contacts, gutteral voice and all, bashes everyone to pulp. Interestingly, when posessed by the ghost, he does not bleed.

And before I forget, the famous photograph of Muni stuffing his face with food balls... you get to see it...., but you would have to wait till the end of the movie. How can there ever be a movie where Raj Kran does not eat? And yes he bites into the bones of the chicken in a few scenes. So take your vomit bag with you incase you feel the urge. Most importantly Muniyandi Vilas is thanked in the credits for the food... Sooooo unique. Incase you are wondering, these are the best pics I could find on GISing "Muni".

Movie Review - Paruthi Veeran

2007-03-12T13:05:00.000-07:00

What makes a good movie? Hard to define. It has to be a mixture of, characterization that you can relate to, a believably unique storyline, actors who suit the roles, and ofcourse music that helps the story. If that is how a good movie is defined, then PV excels.

What if you want to define a movie this way? An experience that will leave you feeling happy, comfortable and not squeamish and shocked? A light hearted affair that entertains enough to make you laugh and only laugh? Well then Paruthi Veeran is not your kind of movie.

Unfortunately I belong to the latter. I like my movie to be light hearted and not too heavy on the senses. I want the characters to laugh, or either make us laugh when they cry like guys like Teeyar effortlessly do.

There are these directors who, in their quest for 'uniqueness', stretch the limits of palatability of the viewer. They try to pass of the macabre as that uniqueness. That is plain bogus. Imagine you are in a train, someone is telling you a joke, and suddenly he cuts his tongue and throws it out of the door. Is that unique? Yes. Is that entertaining ? NO!!! It just shocks you and after sometime you just dont want to think about it. That is PV in a nutshell. Elaborately designed for shock appeal.

Karthi looks comfortable and some of his mannerisms and body language tells me he is not in the film business for timepass. He is serious about his acting. I only hope he does not take the college hero who bashes local goons track, which seems to be the crux of any thamizh movie these days. He isnt the typical thamizh hero, and Ameer tries to break every single character cliche of the typical tamil hero in this movie. Part of the purported shock appeal.

Saravana is OK. Ameer once again brings in local colour through sepia tones, arid landscapes and wonderful locals. Less than 20 percent of the movie cast are qualified actors, but it works in imparting the much needed realism amidst Priya Mani's tweezed eyebrows and cultured english. (no film maker reads my review of Veyyil :-( )

I missed most of the dialogues because of my city upbringing. Makes me wonder how those guys understand each other. All of them keep talking all the time, yet they are able to communicate. Some scenes make you feel, you have to watch the movie again to get everything Ameer has said. Like the time when Priya gets out to school, catches herself in the mirror... goes in washes her face and then leaves. You wonder why... till she goes to see Paruthi in jail. I bet there are a million more such nuances I might have missed.

Another nice idea is the segmented flashback, with each character thinking only about what is relevant to him or her. But ultimately it is upto the viewer to piece the entire story together.

Paruthi Veeran is a commendable movie, worth a watch, and definitely not to be hated. An excellent launchpad for Karthi, and he is impressive. Ameer has delivered one more sure hit.

Movie Review - Pachai kili Muthu Charam

2007-03-10T06:25:00.000-08:00

Sarath Kumar is a quintessential specimen of Chennia Bourgeounicus, characterized by a Nokia 1100, San Frisco trousers (you gotta look carefully) and daily hour long train rides. He has a son (with Juvenile Diabetes). Warning ladies... if your son/daughter has Juve Diab, then there is a high chance that your husband could stray. So please take care. Ok. that was the warning I wanted to add to all those people who searched for Juvenile Diabetes on google.

Andrea is the wife. Son has acted in a few other ads. As a family they have made enough money to live in a nice house. Have a Hero Honda bike... and as Arjun in Mudhalvan succintly puts it in Sujatha's words, "Saturday Titanic, Sunday beach" life...

The story in short. Sharath gets close to Jyothika, thinks he is in love... she says she already is, wants to escape atleast for a day, her abusive marriage. Gets raped by Milind Soman, who then blackmails the couple for money. To tell you the truth... i just cannot imagine someone who was callous enough to cheat on his wife, could dole out 8 laks to save another woman. A typical Thamizhian would fold all other fingers but his middle finger if someone asks him money. Anyway... Sarath later realizes that he has been swindled and all hell breaks loose in Hyderabad and Chennai. Hey. BTW. That was a spoiler.

The things that stood out for me are the dialogues. When Sarath confesses of his affair to his wife. And her reaction seemed outlandish... but then what do I know about human relationships? Anyway an attempt was made to bring in realism to the dialogues which is more than we can expect in a Thamizh movie.

Also Jyothika's seemingly innocuous efforts in seducing Sarath. Everytime she has the opportunity to go 3 inches she goes a mile... makes him feel guilty for a lot of things that he did naturally, makes him think she is a victim, and makes him take responsibility... well written.

Harris Jayraj either knows only two tunes, or has short term memory loss. This album is just Khaaka Khaaka and VV all over again. I dont know why people still flock to him.

The movie is watchable. Songs should be avoided. You see more of those wannabe dialogues along the lines of 'Freeze' and 'Raghavan instinct'... the "Make love to me" line I guess was used in Khaaka Khaaka too. I guess realism is not needed in a few things. I prefer bushes shaking and parrots kissing to this trash. Also, it made me think... would Andrea have watched HBO / STAR Movies? Chennai has CAS... and hers is a lower middle class family. Maybe she read Mills and Boone... I really don't know... Ok bye.

Music Review - Oram Po

2007-03-10T05:34:00.000-08:00

After the first listen to the songs... the one thing that stands out is the percussion usage...just as in Veyyil. Really loud strong percussion sounds dominate all the songs. The choice of singers too does not redeem this album. Very ordinary album. Either that or I do not know about music.

Kozhi Kaalu
Jassi Gift and Kailash Kher lend their voices to this repeat of Veyyilodu Vilayadi. Loud, and upbeat with a toad with a gastric problem droning in the BG... this time it is not Jassi Gift that irritates you but the toad in the BG. The interlude with the base guitar and quasi Panjabi screaming only adds to the irritation.

Kan Ganapathi
T Rajendhar... doesn't he know that the mike can record his breathing too? Why does he sing with saliva in his throat? And asshole... the next time you speak about Thamizh, I am going to get medieval on your ass with a pair of pliers and a blowtorch. Doesn't the self professed 'son of Thamizh soil' know the difference between the Thamizh La and the the bigger LLA ? Why does he say Caaallllege.. Naalllllu (for four) and LLLIsans (for Licence)... Naanens. Anyway I dont know what to hate more, Teeyar or the song itself.

Idhu Enna?
Starts out with something similar to "Pogatheee Pogatheee" from Deepavali. (I meant the strumming). So why do these guys think if they add an echo to the male voice, it automatically becomes a melody?

Yaar Iravinil
Sivamani and Sunita Rao... with the toad making a surprise re-entry in this song. Its gastric problem is less muted but the reek is no different. This song sounds too wannabe.

Theme Music
Supposed to be a rap. Whats with the toad !!!??? WHy does it make an appearance again in this song? Shiva Shambo Shambo... AMBOOO.. this album is for the dogs. It ias just GV Prakash getting to know more about adding loops on Acid Music.

Sanjay. I wasted 50 MB of good memory space for this album. I might have to delete the "Azhagesan" folder. Sorry VJ.

Movie Review - Mozhi

2007-03-07T13:12:00.000-08:00

Prithvi and Prakash are keyboard players. Bachelors. Eligible. Move into an upscale neighbourhood.... With a few pretty girls. Prithvi gets smitten first. Culprit. Jyothika.Bells ring, light flashes, and Jyothika shows a few karate moves on a hapless guy in front of a Tony Ja 'Mirattal Adi' poster. (Symbolism?)... but then Prithvi is in front of a poster that says '50 percent off'. Symbolism again ? Maybe not. Well thus begins the love story, between Prithvi a 'soft hearted', good intentioned, music composer and Jyothika, a deaf mute strong willed, talented and beautiful girl.

Promising start to a movie, that features for the first time in the annals of Thamizh cinema, direct lifts of Vivaldi's Summer overture and wonder of wonders... Harry Belafonte!!! (Hey Illayaraaja used quite a bit including "Bisathe Bisathe"... of the Banana boat song)... There were a few other familiar pieces in the BGM... I fail to recollect. There was this lift of a Summer in Bethlehem song too. (Both movies Vidhyasagar I think).

Story. Boy meets girl, they become thick friends. Politics because girl misuderstands boy's intentions... thinks too much and assumes nonsense. For a change the assumed nonsense is not sexual. As usual insecurities creep in. Insecurities addressed and resolved. Alls well that ends well.

Mentionable points? Humour. The characters are shown to be intelligent... not in a childish way but in an adult way. Some of the jokes are so simple that its spontaneousness appeals to us. Like the time the two guys make fun of Paramanandham in the hospital. Cockroaches could be fun too. Some of the songs are good but the BGM at times seems tooooo loud (If that was intentional, I fail to get the symbolism).

Negatives. The professor character. The teenage lover. Both were avoidable or could have been substituted by a few more interesting characters. Swarnamalya should dance more and try not to act in movies... would help in more ways than one. Jyothika trying to act makes us laugh partly because of so many close ups and partly beause by the time of those 'realizations' scenes, you had wanted the movie to end a few times over. The story did not warrant the length of the movie... around 2.5 hours.

Movie that you could safely watch without squirming. Apart from that, there is little else of interest.

Concert Review - Hitesvara

2007-02-24T10:00:00.000-08:00

I think I am too dumb to understand music. Apparently if there are a few seconds of silence during music, it is absolutely the highest point in a concert, and the audience is expected to break into rapturous applause. Be it Shivamani producing an instrument that makes the sound of a chimp's arm pit fart, or Zakhir Hussein making his tabla cry for some respite, or Shankar Mahadevan trying to simulate Saaruggaan trying to imitate Sonu Nigam with a speech impediment. Seriously. The Chennai crowd really appreciated only 2 things. One were those breaks in noises (silence as it is called) and ofcourse those saavu molam sounds... which Sivamani produced periodically.

That having said, 4 geniuses entertained us for 2.5 hours on Saturday evening. The collective IQ on the stage was close to 1000... among the 4 guys, and the collective IQ of the audience was around 40 on the negative scale. It would have been lower but for the presence of John Mc Laughlin among the audience.

The concert started with Shankar Mahadevan and U Srinivas singing a song aptly named "Gamapa". Shankar was intent on making us understand what it meant but to no avail. Ultimately he threw his hands in the air and good ol Zhakhir took over. Man did the tabla make us weep... and moan... how does it make those sounds? It was as though Zhakhir could make ALL the sounds that Shivamani creates from his hotel kitchen... with just that mridangam broken into two. The tabla finally gave up.. amidst tremendous applause.. we still do not know what Gamapa means.

The next was SaNiRi oooooohhm... sung by Shankar Mahadevan. This time U Srinivas tried his hand... and fingers... at making us understand the song. I have heard those American rock greats stretch a note for a few seconds... but U Srinivas I think would scoff at thos things. I think during the entire song (that lasted a about 20 minuets), he struck his mandolin chord maybe twice... or thrice... he made those few notes sustain for the rest of the song. Amazing.

This was followed by a 10 minute competition between Srinivas and Sivamani on who can strike the maximum notes in one second. Sivamani won this round with a 35... with Srinivas following close behind at 34.5. I concluded that Srinivas has around 120 fingers on his left hand alone and Sivamani can drum with his teeth too (aaah if only he had hair... the strands would drum too).

Shankar came back... and restarted his stuff. It was like he was trying to catch a few loose notes in the air and trying to weave them into a lovely aalaap or oothap... whatever they call it in music speak. It was just beautifull. I was beginning to wonder how structureless compositions could be so pleasurable but then Sivamani came back on.

He is as though behind a steel cage... and yes.. the sounds are similar to what you hear in a zoo, but there is something unique about it. Granted he has more hands than all Hindu gods put together, but there seems to be some 'higher' intelligence guiding his music. There is flow in it but there is absolutely no coherance. He has around 50 instruments around him, but apart from those obvious koothu bits, none of his other gimmicks were appealing to me. Maybe I am just too dumb to understand and follow his 'rhythm'.

In stark contrast, when Zhakir started playing his solo piece, there was an underlying structure to it. He changed tempo, changed the beat, created some amazing sounds... but you never lost him. You could follow the music and enjoy it. Not so with Sivamani. He gets so ahead of you and even himself at times... that unless he bangs his drumsticks a few times at a really loud drum, and start out on a fresh loop, you lose him and he remains lost.

The concert ended with the students of Shankara School singing "Heal the world"... I went out singing "isnt it ironic"... that small children sing a song sung by a child molester to end such a fine concert that supports such a noble cause.

Movie Review - Eklavya

2007-02-23T05:31:00.000-08:00

One rule. Which is being interpreted in different ways with different results. Its been a long time since I have watched a pretty logical movie. It is a pity I could not understand Hindi... otherwise I will be able to write a much better review. Anyway I will give you an idea about the storyline.

Dharma is following what just the heart says. And each character just does what he or she feels is right. What is impressive in the movie is the character development. They are these very normal Hindi cinema characters, but with slight deviations from normality. Where are these deviations? Who is the most deviated from the norm? That is for you to find out.

As the movie progresses, I would advice you to try to work things out yourself. It is an interesting movie in that sense, because you can start guessing what each character is going to do at any point. The movie plot is a macabre murder mystery and since there are not too many characters, it does not confuse you. During the movie, you should start thinking about who would have done it? Even if that is obvious at one point of time, the more interesting question to answer would be, What is his/her dharma or reasoning to have done what he/she did?

Well apart from the story which is above average for a Hindi movie, the visuals are spectacular... the palace, the interior designing and ofcourse the desert. Fantabulous. Amitabh runs uphill!!! and he is almost 70 !!! Could not imagine that. Saif has impressive screen presence. I have always been partial against the female lead and this movie is no different. Vidhya Balan does not seem to fit the role... she has a few stock expressions and increasingly reminds you of Aishwarya in her 'monotonicity'. Mediocre.

Jackie Shroff plays his part, his voice adds depth to his character (seriously... nothign else in it ;-)). And Boman Irani! I have watched him only in humourous roles. In this movie, he plays a very serious, depressed and weak Rana. Acceptable. Parikshit Sahni... am seeing him after a really long time. The last time I saw him I tink was some DD serial. Unrecognizable. Sanjay Dutt... (Brilliant cameo... like Robin Singh... crowd pleasing. How can people support a known terrorist?).

I would advice you to not watch the movie in any theatre in Chennai. I do not know if it was the timing of the show, but most of the public did not understand the movie. There was lots of moaning groaning and laughing at all the wrong times. (When Boman Irani removes his headpiece and shows you his bald head, it pretty poignant situation... but most of the guys and girls laughed at his hair... or lack of it). When Saif and Vidya have a really intersting scene at the end of the movie, the whole theatre goes into raptures because they are about to kiss. Juveniles.

And, please stop the DVD or leave the theatre atleast 5 minutes before the end credits. Because if you really enjoyed the movie, the ending is such a big let down. If you hated the movie, probably you would like the ending. It has a few crowd pleasing moments... (No. Vidya Balan does not flash... you dirty minds).

Veerasamy - Part 8

2007-02-15T12:24:00.001-08:00

So problem solved? Teeyar emerges victorious from the bloodbath. Mysteriously he is unharmed. Like a tiger tank. He is unscathed and proceeds to teh marraige hall, where he completes his sister's wedding with great aplomb.

Mummu is present.. bloody hands and all since she ends up killing the fat politician also. She says... one murder means hanging two murders also means hanging. They cannot hang me twice no? So she kills the remaining few villains. Queenbitch escapes and is conspicuously absent in the wedding of her younger brother. (Veerasamy 2? you would think? NO teeyar lays those mortal fear to rest...)

Teeyar is relaxed looking forward to Kalyana Saapad. and OHHHHHHHHHHHHH... the ORIGINAL bride groom and parents turn up!!! If you had happened to miss it while the story is moving at a frantic pace, Veera had already fixed hsi sister's wedding to another guy... the doctor. Where were they all this while ? OK logic has always been under heavy sedation... so well... there are more dialogues.

Grooms father:
Veera. What you are doing ya. You said ki my son can able to marry yuvar sister. You said Yuvar sister will not cross even railway line. How she line cross drawn by you. I was thinking you are selfprideman, never miss your own words and now you .. Veera you have destroyed my son's life. Now he will marry him? What you have for answer?

Veera for the second time is tongue tied in the movie. His mouth does not open. He is too tired. He has to sleep. He has lost everything in life. Pride, Sister, Villains, Love. He has no more tears and he is broken. He sits down heavily on the chair. We expect a tirade but nothing comes out.

People around him talk. They say:
Veera such great man. He sacrificialized everything for sister. Love, pride, blood, sweat, gore... even those two chicken leg pieces yesterday during dinner. But what he get in return? Shame, shame and Puppy shame. You come Veera, we will go. These people and all will always talk like this only. They have no heart. They have no colon also.. cos they blow so much. Let us go Veera... Veera... Veera ? Veeraaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!! Veeraaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!! I cannot able to believe... Veeraaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!

Mummu is shell shocked. So are we! Mummu bangs her head at Veeras stone dead feet.. and Mummu ! Mummu !! Mummuuuuuuuuuu !!!!!!!! Mummuuuuuuuuuuu !!!!!!!!!!!

Two people... dead as two dodos and and take my words seriously, both of them were even rarer than dodos when they were alive! Mummu and Veera... a tale of unrequited love... a tale of two people who were so perfectly matched (even in height and weight) and inspite of extremely low probability... ended up dying within seconds of each other... Why? Because all the king's horsemen could not but humpty dumpty together ever again...

The single remaining brain cell in my head thought about how ultimately Queenbitch Whorelady is the winner, she gets away with all her money and her life. There is nothing more I can add to this review. I think I will save my remaining braincell now. I have the image there as my desktop image. Strangely rejuevnating.

Veerasamy - Part 7

2007-02-15T12:01:00.000-08:00

Jump Cut. Mummu's new house. Villain number one is hosting fat politicain and fat politician out of the blue suggests something. He asks if he could own mummumatha and puts forward a flawless logic for that proposition. He says since mummu cannot able to sleep with legal husband she is probably a whore, and needs to be treated like one. So he offers his services in the matter.

Hubby dear gleefully accepts. I think i will rip off my eyeballs and pull out all my nails for writing this paragraph.... but yes that is what happened in the movie. It made my toes cringe and my hair retract into my arms. I despise Teeyar for this sequence alone. I want him to read what I wrote and I want him to die after pulling out his tongue. Please if you know his email ID forward all parts of this review to him.

Jumpcut Teeyar's house. Teeyar fixes up wedding with doctor for thamizhponnu. Heavy heart and teary eyed ponnu accepts because by then she believes the Meghna Naidu's 'refreshing' new twist that loverboy had slept with her and was arrested by the police for the same.

Jumpcut Mummu's house. Hubby persuading mummu to do the unmentionable. He says mummumummu... anyway you can do nothing... you cannot even stab me with this knife... you do not have the guts.. you are anyway going to sleep with fat politician... you cannot do anything else. So mummu gets angry and makes him eat steal. Only it is not through the mouth but through the belly. There is a lot of blood and very little struggle. Hubby dies peacefully and mummu cries her heart out.

Jumpcut Teeyar's house. She has nowhere else to go.. and so what does she do? She runs to Teeyar. This time when she slips he catches her. The first time he has touched a lady other than his sister. We see a few sparks fly but no they do not instantaneously combust into another song. They have bigger things at hand. (yellow yellow dirty fellow...)

Jumpcut fat politicians house. Unaware that her father is medlling with mummu's wares, Meghna suddenly has guilt pangs, and wants to confess to thamizhponnu that she was the cruel witch that created false propaganda about loverboy.

Jumpcut Teeyar's house. Meghna Naidu... incidentally who suddenly starts wearing sarees propounds the logic that since loverboy had never danced with her in songs... and since all those songs were only her own dreams.. and since the butler is almost always lefthanded and since daylight saving's time had not been accounted for, loverboy is innocent of all crimes he will commit in the future. Everyone believes that and...

Jumpcut to the streets.
Why streets? Isn't final fight sequences happening in marriage halls sucha cliche'? And since this movie has faithfully avoided every single character stereotype and script cliche', we see the final showdown on the street outside Veera's house.

And what a fight it is! It is only the second fight in the movie and Teeyar is at his athletic best. He is Rajkiran and Kulla Mani combined in strength, valour, height and hair density. I mean if VJkanth with his minuscule moustache can kill guys in Gajendhra, just imagine what is possible with a chin full of beard. Its a bloodfest and guys die by the dozens. Its like one punch by Teeyar and every bone in that other guy's body is shattered.

If you ask me, all he had to do was shave his beard off, and every single strand of hair would have done the fighting for him. Anyway he would use that tactic in his next movie. I am now raving I know but I have to finish this review... and I am still keeping the surprise from you. I am evil like that.

Veerasamy - Part 6

2007-02-15T11:21:00.000-08:00

Jump Cut. We are now back in Teeyar's house. Teeyar suddenly realizes that about 30 hours of the movie is already over and if he did not wrap things up pretty quickly in the next 30 minutes, the first show would result in the theatre being burnt down. But WAIT... not before the thangachi sentiment song !!! Teeyar crying , sister crying, growthing mother crying, sidekick one crying, plant crying, pillar crying, neighbor dog crying and the song goes on...

Teeyar sitting on a rocking chair... totally unnecessary. He himself is a sphere. All he needs is to load his bottom.. and he will continue rocking for ages. Talking about loaded bottoms... the song that ensues is a very good example of the thing that loads Teeyar's bottom. It is incredibly malodourous and drives even his ardent fanatic to the ciggie stands. Well I do not have the energy to write what the song was about, but then I guess you get the drift. I unfortunately did and it damaged my nostrils permanently and killed a few million brain cells.

Meanwhile... jump cut. Jump cut to villain's den. New plans being hatched to hurt Teeyar again. New villain plan astounds as usual. The plan is to get Teeyar's lady love to marry queenbitch's elder brother thus cutting Teeyar out of what is legally his... (ie) 300 pounds of flesh.

Why would Mummumaatha accept to this? Well obviosuly she has to get married to the other guy because Teeyar is refusing to marry her. Why is Teeyar refusing to marry her? Because thamizhponnu wants to be non-hymen-rubbed. Why does thamizhponnu want to be non-hymen-rubbed? Because queenbitch wants Teeyar to fall at her feet. Why is Teeyar refusing to fall? Because he is humpty dumpty... and if he falls down.. all the king's horsemen cannot put him back together again! Simple logic.. If only the horsemen were better equipped with feviquik, the movie was over in its first frame!

Mummumaatha gets married to queenbitch's elder brother. Teeyar cannot resist the temptation. No he cannot... ofcourse.. aaah there is ONE MORE SONG!!!! If the first maudlin song takes place in Teeyar's house this song of unrequited love takes place outside. I mean on the street outside his house which BTW is bang opposite Mummumaatha's house. She walks into the house and slips... Teeyar tries to catch her.. but stops because she cannot be touched now... Mummumaatha had slept on Teeyar's poster... but no longer possible. So she never gets any sleep. Teeyar does not like food so he washes his hands on the food plate. (Why do they do it?). He cannot sleep so he wears his vesti and roams the streets. By now I was brain dead to recollect the lyrics. But there was a lot of crying and headbanging. Teeyar bares his lower row of teeth and gives an expression like that of a rabid grizzly bear for the entire song. Why do all his songs have 4 charanams and 16 pallavis?

To get the answer wait for the next spisode coming in.... 10 minutes. Infact that is all it takes to write each one of these :-). Think about Teeyar... and crap flows automatically.

Veerasamy - Part 5

2007-02-15T10:27:00.000-08:00

HAHAHA fooled you!!! Do you really think there is going to be story in a T Rajendhar movie ? If at all I want you to go for a T rajendhar movie for the story.. you are in really bad shape buddy. So.... Teeyar dresses himself up well for the fateful day, slicks his hair back and wears his luminous black tight T shirt and goes Payyan keatufy in Queenbitch's house. Thankfully there is no song and the trip is uneventful. But the peachuvarthai isn't!!!

QB starts out on a tangent.

She says:
Aah.. now I have you Mr Veera. You said no? I cannot able to make you come to me.. but kekekeke!!! You have camed here and you are in front of me, you have to sit. In the weddinghall, if loverboy has to tie thali around thamizhponnus neck, you have to sit under my feet and grip my legs. Only then Chennai city know who is Queenbitch. And only then sister wedding can walkable. Hahahaha.

Teeyar gives a look that would make a lump of cow dung cringe. Down in the dark jungle something stirs... Teeyar tries to speak but no words come out. But no need !!! The female panther that Thamizhponnu had turned into suddenly bursts into frenzied activity.

She says:
What you are saying ya? If my wedding taking place only after my brother humilate by you queenbitch mother... then no need my marriage. Why marriage under all such problematics? I will be without hymen rubbing. What is there? For me, everything is my brother and my brother is everything. You and your loverboy please get out and goto hell. I cannot able to marry and all. I will be lifelong unmarried.

Teeyar is touched. Leaves for home but not without mouthing some killer dialogue to thamizhponnu.
He says:
Yes ma yes. I grew you up only for you not being hymen rubbed. Yes ma.. I am only poor brother no? Who listening to me and all? I am so paavam.... and what sin I did to be like this? Why my sister also not understanding me? Why everything in this movie is so f'ed up beyond all recognition? Why some jobless idiot and all writing 7 reviews about my movie? Why George W Bush being such an asshole? Everything head fate only. Head Fate maaaa head fate.

He starts crying and further fertilizes his beard.... which grows an alarming 2 inches during that dialogue alone.

Well. Ok what next? See.. I have already told you every single female except Teeyar's lover and sister are whores. He never has had a mother in any of his movies and he is the person who raised his own sister ever since he himself was an infant. Fans correct me if I am wrong... but I have a feeling both Simbhu and Kural had made appearances as junior Teeyar raising the female chipmunk sister in ALL of his earlier movies. That must be a record of sorts.

Anyway Meghna... fresh out of her dream song in knitted underwear, also dreams up a Swatch of a plan to separate loverboy and thamizhponnu. Time honoured tradition of faking a rape and calling in police to arrest the hero too. We have seen this strategy in just 15,826 earlier movies but the refreshing way it was done in this movie.. was really refreshing. Did I mention refreshing ? Yes... refreshingly, green was the colour of the room walls and the bed that was used in the scene. Ha. You cannot blame Teeyar for not trying the unbeaten path... He is a maverick when it comes to choosing wall colours. Remember this refreshing statement because I will use it again in the rant.

Now events start happening at breakneck speed ebcause we have less than 10 minutes to end the 4 hour movie and not even half of the shit pile has been digested.

Coming up next.. Teeyars last songs... a few weddings and quite a few funerals. Wait and watch this space for more.

Veerasamy - Part 4

2007-02-15T07:11:00.000-08:00

Considering all that has happened so far.. and the story yet to begin, exactly when we are expecting something to happen, we are treated to... you guessed it... one more song!!! This time it is once again between Mummumaatha and Teeyar. I am unable to recollect the reason behind the song unless Teeyar wanted you to see unused colours in Pothy's 16 million colour saree. Teeyar graces the complete song in a lungi which he periodically puts over his head and jumps about like a retarded chipmunk. The lesser mentioned about Mummumaatha the better. Yes... lesser is better for a few. The theatre was in raptures.

Now back to serious stuff. Queenbitch whorelady now understands the extent of love between loverboy and thamizh ponnu, realizes it is an amazing opportunity to use Teeyars face as a doormat... asks the Teeyar to payyankeatufy. This is one great scene. Not to be missed where the villains are discussing their plans.

We are treated to some great self deprecating stuff by the villains. These sequences are some of the most hilarious in the movie. The villains talk badly about themselves. Teeyar movies are famous for two things.. villains talking highly about the hero and villains talking really badly about themselves. Coming to think of it, you must already be a loser to become a villain in a Teeyar movie.

Villain 1 : Oh this Veera is getting on my nerves. Can you able to kill him?
Villain 2 : Yes ofcourse. Isnt that too obvious ? we have only tried doing it 342 times before.
Villain 1 : Yes and I want everyone in Chennai to know it was we who did it... anyway the
police constable is on our payroll.
Villain 2 : Ofcourse with that we have all holes covered. Who do you want to do the job.
Villi : How about my regular customer from korukkupettai? (she is a whore.. and she needs to point it out herself)
Villain 1 : Oh you have not killed him yet? I thought you had upped him a long time ago.
Villi : No how would I kill of a cash cow?
Villain 2 : Oh I thought you were the cow here...

Sidekick1 : Are you talking about killing Teeyar ? Do you think it is possible... ordinary people cannot even go near him. He is so great and powerful and extremely talented.
Villi : Ayyyy shut up yuvar mouth ya. With sa satti paanai Kavuth.
Sidekick1 : Ummmmmmmmmmm..
Villi : You just see how I up him.... and it will happen this Friday at 11 in the a.m.
Sidekick2 : Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Villi : Yes... and it will be done outside our house when he comes to payyankeatufy.
Sidekick2 : And BTW do you relaize you are live on air on Simbhu FM?
Villi : So what.. I really dont care... I am out of control anyway...

And the dialogue goes on...

Meanwhile Meghna Naidu (lest we forget her thighs) gets jiggy with loverboy, and there is one more song. Meghna Nadiu suddenly seems to have learnt mud wrestling and has only loverboy to practice her moves. The song goes on and on and on... and it only reminds you that the movie has not yet started. Teeyar has just introduced, reintroduced, and re-re introduced his cast... and well to give him credit, we now know every inch of atleast the female cast. Loverboy particiaptes enthusiastically because the songs are only in Meghna's dreams... wonder what Freud would interpret her dreams as.. Maybe he would say Meghna is a frog who yearns to be a fish with a severe allergy to cotton or polyester. She apparently has no problems with crochet or thin muslin.

We come to the end of one more important segment of the story. I have described 7 songs so far... 3 with mummumaatha and teeyar and 3 with loverboy playing a pivotal role and one magnificent intro song where everythign explodes... even explosions !!!. All the characters have been introduced, and you seem to think OK now we are ready for the story to begin. Stage set.

Coming up next.... The story...

Veerasamy - Part 3

2007-02-13T14:20:00.000-08:00

Just when we seem to think the story is moving in one direction... we are reminded of the other immense star presence... that of Mumtaj (Salt kottai sarasu... premier black ticket vendor for Simbhu movies, militant swadesi and destroyer of English movies). She makes a very strong swadesi satement... by... NOT SELLING black tickets for English movies. Hehe. She also has the hots for Teeyar... cannot blame her... irresistable as he is. Pretty much like how cow dung is irresistable to dengue flies... (don't ask me who the fly is now).

So what better way to remind people of Mumtaj's presence than to have a song with her bathing in a huge milk tub? So Teeyar and Mumtaj roll about in a huge milktub for 5 whole minutes. Teeyar... is at his creative best. Song ensues in her dreams. Lyrics astound.

Eureaka AkkaAkka
Nee irukka soakka
Varen paru knacka
Silli sickkan tikka...

But but but but but.. Teeyar.... he has no interest in Mumtaj. He feels his sister has to feel wedded bliss first before he too takes the plunge ... so to speak... So he does not profess his love and there are these really hilarious scenes. Where Teeyar tries to pull a Gaptan.. (remember the 'aang' scenes? and scenes where Gaptan runs away from the girl? if you think those were funny..wait till you watch this.) The dialogues go something like this.

Mumtaj : Enna kadhalikkareengala ?
Teeyar : Aangggg !!!! Ayyayyyoooooooo !!!!!
(Teeyar opens his eyes wide... bigger than his mouth and bares his teeth. The movie got an A certificate just for that expression. Small children and pregnant ladies beware.)

Mumtaj : Unga daadi enna kuthanum...
Teeyar : Enna vitru maaaaa...
(Teeyar hugs a nearby pillar and tries to climb it.. escaping Mumtaj's outstretched arms... His expression is as if a pig had just farted in his face)... but Mumtaj persists.

What now ? Ofcourse another song. The second song in 3 minutes. At one point in the movie, the inter song space is shorter than the song duration. It is like sitting in a remastered Ouvayyar.. but Ouvvayyar is suddenly 50 years younger and wears blouses and skirts stitched out of a handkerchief and dances only in very wet places.

This time we are treated to Teeyar in 3 different get - ups.. each one outdoing the other. Teeyar should think about starting his own fashion line for people whose circuimference is bigger than their height. I mean he is like a carrom board coin sliding about... imagine humpty dumpty wearing a sherwani with that red cloth sweeping the grass behind. Imagine TR with gelled hair swept back like Don Corleone. Imagine a tar black sphere wearing a tuxedo trying to lift his leg above his head. Now imagine you poking your eyes with blunt needles while standing on hot coals and drinkign acid. I think you would prefer the latter.

Anyway Mummumaatha does not get Teeyar's attention and leaves in a huff. Teeyaar heaves a sigh of relief and we are all awarded with a whiff of whatever they were eating 'before back'.

We now move to the other love pair in the movie. Shiela and Loverboy. They are in their respective beds and talking on the phone to each other. Ever wonder why rich people either wear those jigina housecoats and slippers or just goto bed wearing cowboy boots? I don't know but loverboy does the latter. I think he wears those clothes to be prepared to have dream sequences in Texas. Wonder why he did not sleep with a raincoat... cos he dreams of a song near an achored ship while it is raining... needless to say everyone wears white. Third song in 15 minutes flat. Vijaya Teeyar on a roll... his sets are a movie phenom.

We are taken to differect corners of Simbhu gardens in the song. One resembling a ship, the other the Andes (a rather emasciated masticated papier mache version). There is one modern art masterpiece that resembles two trees that have been cut down in the middle of a marsh while it is raining. Oh wait that is NOT a set !!! He has actually gone to the Couum to shoot that ! Sort of suits our mood too.

Hmmm that concludes the third part of my seven part trilogy... obviously. Not even a book would do justice to this movie. Officially I have spent more time on this movie than all of the Veerasamy artists put together. I am yet not ashamed of this endeavour.

About the story.. well.. after introduction of all the characters in about 1.5 hours, we have had 3 songs in quick succession.. before that we had one intro song to humpty dumpty. We are halfway through the movie... The plot has not yet thickened... unlike TR's brain which is also addled BTW. See you int he next.

Veerasamy - Part 2

2007-02-11T16:28:00.000-08:00

Now the movie takes a strange turn. This is expected to happen many times in the movie... you must not be surprised. This movie does not have an editor. (TR can do 8 things... but editing is not one of them... and the other Kollywood editors died after watching the first shot)... The scenes have been shot in a pseudo random sequence. So you will just see the storyline jumping from one garbage lot to another completely randomly and without warning or reason.

So now that we know everythign there is to know abotu Veera, we now follow the life of Veera's sister. 'Thamizh' who wears 'chudi' and tells Veera that she wanted jeans fant and have a boph cut. It is a curious thing about Veera... maybe because of the hair growing from his eyeballs... Veera starts crying everytime he sees his sister... you recognize the time has come for one more of Teeyaaar's 'adukkumozhis'... you close your ears but not before he starts out with....

Ammmaaaaaaa..... naan oru muttal ma...
You small girl beinged ... I big boy
I kept food and all into your mouth
You bited my hand also then but no painings
But now your words... painings painings painings

Why I "Thamizh" name kept... you know?
Thamizh very nice. Thamizh very sweet.
Thamizh very culture and Thamizh culture no Jeans fant
Thamizh culture nono Boph cut. Thamizh no English say

And the whole family starts crying because the sister said she wanted Jeans fant and have boph cut. We hear the starting verses of a new song but mercifully Teeyar decides to move on.

So Thamizh goes to college. Apparently some colleges have no 'classes'. All students carry two books close to their chest... and walk about in gardens. All the girls in college appear to be well endowed (that incidentally is what the books are for)... and are leched on by all the guys. This college has all the guys sporting tatoos on all parts of the body including the forehead... and they all have ear piercings the size of small missiles. Our hero falls insanely in love... ready to lose life types... on first sight and because of that refuses to even look at any other girl. Even if other girls come in the form of Meghna Naidu who walk about moaning... "Nee enakku veaanum daaaaaaaaaaaaa"... I took a quick restroom break here... cleared my tummy off yesterdays paniyaaram... and came back to endure the rest of the movie.

So the story now obviously follows loverboy... who (borrowing an expression from Arun Lal...) 'extremely obviously' is the younger brother of queenbitch whorelady introduced in the first scene. Meghna Naidu is the daughter of the politician in cohoots with queenbitch.... (BTW politician and queenbitch are sleeping together. T Rajendhar suddenly jumps on top of them through the roof... apparently he was peeking in on them (the little voyeur) and was ready to join them in any kinky game they were playing... for he was wearing a red sleevless track suit. Ahh my eyesssssssssss where is the bleach ???

So now what do we have? Teeyar... his sister in love with loverboy who is the brother of queen bitch who is sleeping with fat politician whose daughter is in love with loverboy too, who in her own words... WANTSSSSSSSSSSSSS him. So this after all a love movie? Correct?

WRONG !There is more... Queenbitch apparently wants to make more money and the only person who is standing in her way... iS Teeyaarrrr (Actually he is only standing on the side but his immense girth makes it impossible for them to avoid him. No1 knows why she wants to destroy Teeyar.. but she wants to.. and so she rambles on about how she wants him squashed like a common fly. Teeyar rebounds by likening himself to Sachin Tendulkar in one of the most hilarious re-enactments of King Kong uttering his first words. TR says...

Ok Sachin one match not hit it means no match no hit ??
NO !Sachin next match hit hit hit hit very much hit.
And shakes his head like a bear which was just stung by a scorpion... and begins to go on teh rampage.

What is going to happen next? WIll TR prevail? WIll true love ultimately suceed? Will the villis gett heir 'comeupance'... wait and watch. This ends the next edition of the rant. I think i will take one more break here... will be back with more.

Veerasamy - Part 1

2007-02-11T12:34:00.000-08:00

Let me recount the movie for those unfortunate enough to have missed this masterpiece.

The movie starts with the introduction of the Villi... it is still a mystery as to why all TR movies have villis instead of villains. I think that entire family has something against the fairer sex... (all women other than sisters and mothers are whores) ... look at Manmadhan... classic example... and TR choosing the fattest and ugliest Piec O Shi to play the villis in every one of his movies... I think the logic is that the villain definitely has to look uglier than Teeyaarr... and automatically the sample set among men reduces to just this dead guy in The Ring :-). So it obviosuly has to be women...

Who is this Villi? Obviosly she is a whore who controls politicians, policemen and goondas and who is a VC for brothels, distilleries and ganja farms in the area. She has a 50 inch waist line and a bigger bustline and wears fake jewellery and little else. And ofcourse.!!!! she calls our Veera... "Dhaadi" (If THAT is supposed to be a face... those bushes HAVE to be a Dhaadi right? I think TR can grow hair even from his eyeballs... what do you think?)

Ok. The Villi is someone who finishes crore sized deals while polishing her nails... but yet sees it necessary to claim 50,000 from a poor family in person. She badmouths everyone at home and drags the women folk to the brothel... warranting the magnificent entrance of Teeeyaarrr...

...Rather bombastically... a jeep flies 50 ft into the air... and Teeyarr mysteriously emerges from a godown after throwing 20 people out at the same time. He proceeds to bash everyone up with... wait for it.... a beam balance. He then mouths these killer dialogues... Vogons !!! you lose!!!. This puts the "Ode to the little piece of green putty in my ear"... to shame.

You born Saidapettai
You black ticket sold Vandhipettai
You Singapore minor covered Korukupetai
You upped and buried him Kannammapetai
You brothel open Pudhupettai
You MLA stood Vannarapetai
You ganja sold Kosapettai
You liqour boiled Paneerpettai
You first kill Vazhaipettai

and so it goes on and on with her resume... she gets embarassed... blushes and leaves the scene at once... opening the first song.

Veeramulla Samy
Maanamulla Samy
Dhaadi Valakkum Samy
Brandy adikkum Samy
Veera Veera Veera Veera Veerasaameeeeeeeeeeeee

with our man rolling around wearing tight flouroscent trousers and yellow shirt. This is when you notice he has almost lost 2 kilos for this roll... I guess he cannot hope to gather up anymoss later on...

Anyway back to serious stuff... Veerasamy is the local MLA. Revered, worshipped, respected by millions around the world... a guy born in a house that he himself built with his own hands... studied in a university he himself was the dean of, and someone who eats his own excreta to cure himself of cancer. Self made man, self made brother, self made son, self lover, self neighbour, dog owner and window washer par excellence. There is none in the world better than him... even when he attempts at being a narcissist....

Ok. I think i have to take a breather here. So far I have covered 10 percent of the movie. I am feelign sleepy now. I will continue with the movie review tomorrow... :-). I certainly had fun watchign this movie. I think I will have more fun writing about it.

Movie Review - Traffic Signal

2007-02-11T07:24:00.000-08:00

Yes yes.. ofcourse i have to start with something trite... like those one line reviews of SUN TV...

TRAFFIC SIGNAL??... TAKE DIVERSION.

The premise of the movie was interesting... but everything else is half baked. Madhur Bhandarkar is a really shallow film maker who makes a pretence of unearthing the 'truth' in a social circle. be it the seemingly insightful Page 3 or the compeltely idiotic Traffic Signal, he delivers in only one thing... a plethora or quirky characters... with almost half of them having their sexual quirks highlighted. Some people might call it 'realism'. But realisim to be entertaining has to be backed by strong characters and good acting. TS has really poor casting and most actors just cannot 'act naturally' enough. They are like the Indian cricket team. Good on paper but dunces while performing.

If you had not already guessed, the movie is about the kinds of characters that make a living at a traffic signal. A collection of beggars, madcaps, child beggars, paper sellers, car windshield cleaners, prostitutes, selling their wares to child molesters, the immoral rich, the gullible and the cruel. And surprise surprise !!! there are no 'earbud sellers !!!'. There is a thin storyline that ties them together... something that is once again expected but fails to incite neither interest nor sympathy.

The dialogues were artificial, and the acting straight out of a school play. The sidekick (who plays Sehwag's sidekick in those suiting ads)... has too proud an expression on his face for a beggar... The dress hawker looks and talks like a model. The children just over act all the time... be it those telephone booth scenes or those happy moments where they line up for a photo. Most of the children seem too well fed to be beggars... especially the kid who sells papers... that guy is almost corpulent. Just because people rub coal on their face.. doesnt make them look poor. They gotta have a lean mean look to them to pass off as beggars.

The movie reeked of staleness. There was this scene where all those beggars gathered around the traffic signal while it was beign uprooted. It was supposed to be a moving situation but the entire theatre burst out laughing. Makes you wonder how many traffic signals are there in Mumbai and whether each signal has such a community. All those guys have to do is split themselves equally among all the other traffic signals. Why are they gathering around like they have no place to go? And who is that jolna pai character ? And why is he picking up discarded Indian flags with Vande Mataram playing in the BG before the break? We all thought documentary features were played before the movie.. not during it.

Another crib is that the movie just introduces characters for the sake of it. The rich guy and his concubine in the Merc... they were just time and space fillers. The boytoy was another space filler. 'Tsunami'. Where did he go? None of the characters were enjoyable nor were they part of 'social satire'. And.. where were the ear bud selers ? How can a traffic signal be complete without them?

So... the movie wasted about 2.5 hours of my time... introduced about 40 characters easily... none of which are even remotely interesting... spins a contrived story which is logicless and baseless and ends in the most contrived situations in Hindi cinema. (So what if a traffic signal is uprooted because of a fly over ? Its not like the beggar jobs are going to be offshored is it ?).

Let me try once more to be SUN TV in reviewing..
TRAFFIC SIGNAL...??? STOP... U-TURN... and ACCELERATE.
Please avoid at any cost.

Movie review - Clerks 2

2007-02-02T22:06:00.000-08:00

8 years ago, Kevin Smith created four characters... a completely dysfunctional and ambitionless convenience store clerk, an extremely vitriolic and obscene video store clerk... and 2 dope dealing friends. The movie went nowhere. Ended with one of the guys getting shot by an arbitrary thief... but it gave college guys conversation topics during binge parties... The movie was strangely appealing and was a surprise box office hit. It was excellent social commentary and milked the latent appeal of ennui in suburban living.

Clerks 2... carries on from there but with a slight twist. Both the two main characters have survived... no1 is shown how... but they have been working in the store for 10 years or so. The year is 2006 but they still have the same lack of ambition as in 1999 and are both extremely bored. The only change has been the degree of bitterness to the surroundings. The video store clerk's (Randal) bitterness has increased in exponential bounds. Dante still has two women running after him and is still unnable to decide what is good for him.

But, what was so appealing in Clerks 1 is sadly missing in the second part. Social Satire. Those excellent social commentaries about tobacco gum selling anti-tobacco activists, suburban home dwellers who commute ungodly hours to work... all those are missing. Clerks 2 is all about obscenity and seems like it is targetted at the 10 - 15 year range rather than the college crowd intended in Clerks 1.That is the biggest let down in the movie.

There are unnecessary STAR WARS vs LOTR arguments... Transformers flamewars... that shows how Randal has aged only in pop culture icons and not in maturity. Dante is still the more conservative of the two... (the ying to Randal's yang), Rosario Dawson is Dante's manager and love interest. The unnerving openness of these two's arguments makes us fidget at times but rarely does it make us think. Clerks 2 did not do well at the box office inspite of its record breaking predecessor because of one chief reason....

Kevin Smith did not factor in that the original fans of the movie would have also aged 10 years and also the fact that what college grads spoke about 10 years back are being spoken about by early teens now... which kind of makes this movie a 'wannabe' kind of cult classic. Pretty much like having a cartoon flick for children with animals parodying 1960s pop culture references... "Go ahead make my day... ", "They call me Mr Tibbs".. etc. There is no way such a movie is going to make big.

The movie is a paradise for trivia and connections buffs with scores of connects to earlier Kevin Smith movies... Jay wears a Buddy Jesus T shirt, the movie ends the way the first movie started.. a lady picking up milk cans, and "I assure you we are open" sign... What is good about the movie is that Kevin Smith has brought a logical ending to all the characters he created. Maybe next he would create better characters more in tune with the times.

Movie Review - Babel

2007-01-30T21:37:00.000-08:00

A multidimensional story that explores what happens when love is ignored, squandered, or annihilated by anger, alienation, hatred and violence. One of the best films of the year...

THIS WAS ONE OF THE REVIEW HEADINGS ON ROTTEN TOMATOES!!!! WHO COMES UP WITH SUCH SHIT ?
I am going to write my own one line review for this movie. Maybe i can make it big in that business.

An intricately woven mesh of incidents spanning three continents, seamlessly integrated with a single piece of thread as thin as an ant's pubic hair. The story of a nanny, teenager and goat herd all knitted into one magnificent magnum opus.

An epic production that explores the molecular compound of glass shards borne out of exploding cartridges, protein poisons and abandoned love, which can easily be dissolved by using kevlar reinforced windows in airconditioned tourist buses.

A well rendered tragedy of circumstances insinuated by extreme indifference to scientific-geopolitical parleys among deaf mute girls inJapan and their effect hencewith on inebbriated Mexican field hands taking business vacations in heartland America.

An ambitious project to delineate flaws in character among high school students and nannies in America with a sharp emphasis on the state of affairs among African goat herds and jackal hunters... that delivers from the second reel on.

A movie that sharply brings to focus the essential irregularities in the construction of sub-Saharan village hospitals without proper medical amenities due to the high prevalence of uppers and downers near Tokyoesque fountains and juxtaposing it with Buchanesque alienation back at home.

A movie classic with a remarkable storyline thought about while in a quickstop restroom, at the same time without alienating any language, creed, caste or breakfast cereal popular across the globe.

A reel delight about the extent ignorance among Morocon cattle farmers to the sensitivities and tribulations of naked Japanese teenagers brilliantly explored through an incident of cataclymic proportions spanning three pseudo random time zones.

A movie phenomenon revolving around copious amounts of goat milk and blood which teaches us the importance of not spending well earned money at Sathyam theatre.

Movie Review - Water

2007-01-24T22:16:00.000-08:00

Water... the recent nomination for the Oscar.... (Not the Indian nomination) is one of the worst movies of all times top have been given that honour.

Now that I have got your attention, let me tell you why I think so. I hope you already know what Water is all about. If not,... it is about a group of widows who live in penury and out of just the alms from the people of Varanasi. Their travails and tribulations.... etc...

1. The first thing that irked me was the invocation of the movie with some outdated text from Manu Smriti. It outlines how women were meant to be treated in a disresctful and unimportant way in Hinduism. That is not the case. The Manu Smriti actually holds most women in very high esteem as seen from these quotes from Wikipedia.

2. The biggest misconception among people was the the Manu Smriti was the all important Hindu law book. This is actually not the case and that idea about the Manu Smriti was propounded by the western writers to demean the Hindus (Check out guys like Dalrymple). The common man does not invoke the Manu Smriti to justify his wrong doings... as shown in the movie. The Manu Smriti also, often and regularly contradicts the Vedas blatantly in every aspect of society including the treatment of women.

3. Terrible casting with John Abraham and Lisa Ray playing a Calcutta returned writer and a young widow respectively. They could not have been more out of the place in the movie... John Abraham looked like he was modelling for a hair gel and Lisa ray... I had last seen her in those Bombay Dyeing ads.. now she is modelling for wet Khadi. Neither could act... and neither could pass of as their respective characters. The kid widow had the best performance followed by that of the parrot.

4. In one scene in the movie, the dialogue by Kulbushan Kharbanda's character where he keeps saying women are supposed to be only of service to men and once they lose their status as 'wives' they have to be sidelined to the fringes of the society. WRONG !!! Indian vedic texts even talks about widow remarraige and the acceptance of a remarried widow into mainstream society. Also, there are specific guidelines on treating widows with respect. It is stupid to then quote the Manu Smriti out of context at the beginning of the movie and go on to talk about the plight of widows in India. It is like any one of us quoting a popular book such as "The Da Vinci code" to make a movie about Jesus 1000 years from now and call Jesus a philandering SOB. (I am not equating Manu Smriti to Da Vinci code now... but i hope you get the idea).

5. The problem lay ONLY with the people who changed the law and found loop holes and NOT with the entire Hindu law itself, as the director would like us to believe. That is the biggest flaw in the movie and which incensed the Indian government to ban the movie in India. It had identified bad propaganda and veered away from it for the public good. Completely justified in banning the movie.

What did the movie achieve? Yes Indian society has been backward as every other society had been. This particular case of widow treatment is the most often used theme in Hindu bashing. This movie puts it that idea on the big screen... and does not even attempt at providing strong arguments for its claim of the entire society being unequal. (There was abolutely no necessity to invoke the Manu Smriti... it could have just been a normal movie about the plightof a few women in Varanasi).

The very idea of using a 7 year old poor kid as a poster child for Hindu bashing reeks of cheesiness. The cliched screenplay with each ecene completely predictale and in the lines of erstwhile exploitation movies. Bad casting made the screenplay worse. The characters could not carry their roles at all.

The good aspect was ofcourse the music by Rahman. The man delivers even in the worst movies. The child widow's acting was interesting... and the innocence has been exploited to 'pull at our heart strings...'. The movie was shot in Sri Lanka... the rain and the lush greenery was appealing to the eye.

I am seriously not sure why this movie has been nominated to the Oscars. Seriously I do not know.

Note: I just read through all the reviews abotu the movie by the informed western media !!!! They have said this movie is a 'gentle prod at the sensitivities of entire India to stop such cruel practices in thename of religion' WHAT !!!! The DVD version of the movie that I watched did not have this. Apparently the director has said "Such practices still happen in India to date"...

THEN I HAVE ONE QUESTION TO AS HER... Why pray did she base this movie in the 1930s???? Just for Mahatma Gandhi to come by and give a solution to the problem at the end ???? What a whore this director is !!!!

If she is sure such practices are still rampant in India.. she could have done a contemporary movie based in Bombay... like she did in Fire. This movie is blatantly anti-hindu. The Indian government was completely justified in banning the movie in India.

Movie Review - Guru

2007-01-20T05:29:00.000-08:00

Define Irony... paying 10 % service tax for a movie about a guy who evaded tax worth 12,000 crores... and ended up victorious because of a 4 and a half minute self righteous speech.

I would really like Mani Ratnam and Shankar to be in the same room and watch Anniyan and Guru back to back. That would be an experience. One produces movie after movie that makes people wonder what would happen if everyone in India started following the rules and paid taxes dutifully... while the other makes a slip-shod effort at justifying/chronicling a blatant tax evader's life story... and makes him win at the end.

Mani does not attempt at including even a semblance of logic or legitimacy into the storyline. It just moves on.. jumps 10 years in one song.. then spends 30 minutes on an unnecessary item song... characters that go nowhere are introduced all the time... on the whole the movie gives you the feeling it is no different from any other tripe being produced (Veyyil included).

Mani keeps you guessing about what Guru is all about... if it is about the love life of Guru... yes.. there are enough lust and teenage love scenes that Mani is famous for. (Why do manly characters act 'cute'... in those love scenes? Does Mani commission a 15 year old girl to write those scenes?) The elder Guru especially after the stroke relies more on Aishwarya... some of the most contrived scenes... Aishwarya at her hamming best.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Ok I got it out of me.. there are no words to express how affected her acting is. Why couldnt she just have been a pretty face on those giant screens ?

If the movie is about the businessman in Guru... Mani has seriosuly messed it up here. The way he climbs the ladder is shown in horrible cliches... I mean if this is how Guru made his money there must be atleast 350 Gurus in each Indian language that has a movie industry... every year... That is how cliched it is... and every sequence has either Nayagan (going to the collector's house... poor Prathap Pothen... or Thalabadhi... written all over it. Oh those horribly hackneyed dialogues...)

What is Guru? Do you dare to ask?
Imagine a biography of a person... in the hands of Schultz or Bill Waterson.. what is he going to make of it? Caricatures for characters, 'cuteness' for screenplay... and an ad flim without a semblance of logic. Yes that is what you will get in Guru. Take your girlfriend to the theatre... and put some economics fundae while you are at it.. she will marry you the next day. Yes some girls actually liked the movie :-(. (alt.humor.tasteles... here I come)

Movie Review - Apocalypto

2007-01-20T01:29:00.000-08:00

This is not a Mel Gibson movie. This is just a completely different from ordinary movie about a man caught in situations most of us cannot even imagine. This feeling is further reiterated because we all know this is how life could have been at that time... maybe a thousand years ago. I think this movie is the best possible example of a 'period' flick. It is dated in time and thought.

It is a story of a man... who wants to escape pure tyranny and torture.. does everything humanly possible to escape his captors.. including killing them in some of the most gory ways. This is where you realize that this is a Mel Gibson movie.. the unadulterated way he has 'fleshed out' the action scenes... bloody awesome. You see people eviscerated, gouged, pierced, hammered, nailed, tonged... skewered.. malletted, awled... sheeted, ironed... I know I can keep going on... bu the point is... every single mechanical tool we use now... has been tested on a human subject in this movie.

I dont think there is anyone in the world who can make a bad movie cinematographically.. set in the Amazon forest. "The visuals are breathtaking".. maybe P C Sriram would find the place interesting.. because the forest is really awesome... the darkest place is just two feet away fromt the brightest place.. the canopy... and all.

There are a few problems with the names. Zero Wolf ? I always thought it was the Indians that came up with the concept of Zero. So.. how does the name Zero wolf tranlsate in Mayan?

Movie Review - Desamuduru

2007-01-17T22:31:00.000-08:00

Allu Arjun is the only south Indian hero with a six pack. Do I sound gay saying that? I don't mind admiring the hero even if I do sound gay for I have now become even more of a devout follower of telugu movies. This masala makes every other telugu movie that I have watched... something like rasam made for a recovering jaundice patient. In other words, if other movies were my previous comment... this movie is Abe calling his opponents arguments "as weak as a soup made by boiling the shadow of an Ethiopian pigeon that had died of starvation".

Action !!!! Mohammad must have seen Allu Arjun before he said the human body has 360 joints. And Gray must have seen some partisan Thamizh hero before he drew up his charts... no way a human with around 60 limbic joints do what Allu did on screen. Mohammad would have also said the human body has around 142 million gallons of blood and it shoots out at 35 cusecs. Also, Mohammad would not have bothered to dictate the Koran... for he would have seen God in Allu and retired to doing what he was second best at... (I hope I am blaspheming now :-) ).

Comedy? If normal movies have 1... there are 5 comedians in this. One for each pin code the movie takes us to. Every house has a comedian who can talk so loudly that he tries to drown the other comedians in their respective pin codes... sometimes the pin codes are even located in different hemispheres on earth.

Music! My ear drums started dancing. Every integeral frequency, pitch, tone and decibel level has been selected on the basis of equal opportunity (Mandal Commission for the unitiated...). The softest song had Lars Ulrich on a screamer getting creative in a hotel kitchen.

The story? Pardon me for bringing in a food reference once again... but it is like boiling all the left-overs in Andhra meals home, Ritz Carlton and a Japanese sake bar (copious amounts of wasabi included..), in a earthen pot and burying it under a palm tree for 2 years. There is a resounding kick to medula oblongata every time the scene changes. A curious mixture of unpredictability and incredulity that leaves one with a slice of the brain missing at the end of the movie.

Music Review - Paruthi Veeran

2007-01-15T10:58:00.000-08:00

Ariyadha Vayasu :

After a really long time this is one great song from Uvan Shankar Raaja. THe album in itself is refreshingly differrnt from the regular city slicker music that he is known to produce. This shows how good and close he could be to Illayaraaja. If tamilbeat.com had not told me this is not an Illayaraaja movie, I would have tended to believe so.

This song has one of the best interludes in contemporary music. The flute... and somehow Uvan has included the piano into it. (and also the sarodh). Do not mind if this song reminds you of another Illayaraaja song (from Avatharam) and begins like one of those Lagaan songs. This song has the charm to guarantee a few listens. This is the best song of the album.

Iyaayoo :
The voice that stands out is oviosuly Manicka Vinayagam's. Nice slow tune... maybe the second best song. Where this song falters is in Uvan SHankar Raaja's unnecessary humming that goes on for too long and unnecessary instruments in the inteludes. It does nto sound great to have such a song in a village movie with a lot of western/northern sounding instruments. The song would sound good alone... if removed from the movie...

Nadaswaram:
This reminds me of this guy who used to play the nadaswaram outside our house in Bangalore in 2 second breaks. No tune, no coherance, no charm... maybe it is like that in the villages.. but this song has absolutely nothing to write about apart from a loud thavil and a louder urumi

Sari Kama Pathani:
I am interested in seeing what this song is all about in the movie. It sounds completely out of the movie... like Paruthi Veeran and everyoen had suddenly gone to brothel with whores trained in classical music. I am not sure if there are such brothels in deep interior south India.

Oororam Puliyamaram:
Ok one more 'Nadhaswaram' type of song.. but this time the song has been sung by eunuchs. The voice in the middle.. if it 'Karthis's', sounds unnervingly like Surya's. There is nothing
interesting in this song its the same as 1000s of 'Naatupura Kalaigal' songs.

Tanku Dunga
This song has completely convinced me to watch this movie. Not because it is nice... but it has piqued me enough to know what this movie is about.

If you want to download... do not waste yoru bandwidth any other songs. Just the first two. get it.. and listen away. Do not get teh CD/tape. Not worth it. You already have other Illayaraaja songs that sound similar. You also have other Uvan shankar raaja songs that sound similar.

Movie Review - Veyil or Veyyil

2006-12-29T13:15:00.000-08:00

Veyyil, is a commendable effort... reviewers never fail to point out that this effort is from Shankar's S Pictures. And as usual, it has a nice story... and set in interesting locations. The places the movie is based reminds you of the old Bharathiraaja movies... based in villages that have not been 'facelifted'. You know.. the kind of locales that people immedietely label as 'gritty' in their reviews.

Characters are well made. Simple and realistic. Pasupathy stands out. His mannerisms and voice intonation... when he re-introduces himself to his brother... or when he claims innocence of pilfering... pretty close to what I percieve as realistic.

Bharath looks very comfortable in his role as the younger brother. His scenes with Bhavana are straight out of Kaadhal... violent guy, timid girl. His scenes with Pasupathy where he exhibits a sort of repentent love because of the guilt he had felt as a kid... are interesting. The macho scenes that are mandatory to maintain his status as "Chinna Thalabadhi" fall flat. He needs to put on atleast 1 more stone.

Bhavana I think has used up all the 'make up saamaan' that had been bought for the movie. Shriya plays a character who works in a matchbox factory and lives in a shanty. Yet she finds the money to tweeze her eyebrows once a week. In the movie, they are almost as carefully shaped as Vijayakanth's in Chinna Gounder. (Have you seen them? They are a work of art...)

Its been almost 3 months since I watched a Thamizh movie in teh theatre.. teh last one being Perarasu. This movie, I watched because I had nothing else to do was worth the wait. Inspite of a few shortcomings some of which, I obviously had blown out of proportion... the movie was eons ahead of the other tripe that came out these last three months.

Book Review - Thermopylae - Gates of Fire

2006-12-25T23:32:00.000-08:00

I recently watched the trailer of a movie. "300". Was as impressed as any one of those average middle class suburbanite slobs that I am... I went ahead and bought the book about "Thermopylae"... "Gates of Fire" by Stephen Pressfield. The book was well written and impressive enough to keep my attention for more than 4 hours. Commendable.. I usually get bored after 30 minutes of reading a book, but I finished this book.

The book is about a group of 300 elite 'Spartans'. (history and the book says these 300 were joined by more than 700 from other tribes), defending Greece from a humungous Persian army. The persian army lands at the marshes of Mallaca Gulf, and has to proceeds south. That is the only road, as there are no wide paths through the mountains. On the other side of the mountains is Greece and inbetween there are 1000 Greeks. (300 of which are Spartans, that this book tries to glorify).

Xerxes lands at point A, with maybe a million soldiers, and has to pass through road B. The Greeks who do not fear their lives are at points C, D, and E with their contingents and keep pushing the Persian invaders off the cliffs which are marked in bright pink. Well cliffs are pretty dangerous places to get pushed off and persians die like lemmings on a suicide spree. (Well that BTW is a myth.. not to be taken seriously).

So there is this greek king called Leonidas. 60 years of age, but an great leader, who first builds a wall (red bar) in front of a battle plain on a cliff, which can hold around 4000 persians at a time. He convinces the 1000 Greeks by his side, that even if each Greek kills 4 Persians, the battle can be won on a day by day basis.... Flawless logic and the Greeks implement it. once, twice, thrice... again and again and again till the Persians get really irritated. Those are the high points of the book.

The rest of the book is about how the Persian outwit them.... pretty intersting and there is a thrilling raid by a group of 10 spartans to kill Xerxues.. howver they pronounce it... but to no avail. He lives and kills every one of the spartans the very next day.

The book is being narrated by a Spartan slave, and he holds your interest in a story, whose result you arready know. Read the book. Pretty interesting. Also watch the series of "making of 300". If you enjoyed Sin City, and you enjoy war movies... i guess this will be one more treat from Frank Miller.

Game Review - NFS Carbon

2006-12-19T22:07:00.000-08:00

NFS - Carbon (really don't know why it is called that...) is not innovative, but still manages to keep your interest if you finish the races quickly. Also... just imagine this... I am writing a review abotu a game that I played... how bored should i be to do that ? and how MORE boring must the game be for me to actually write somethign bad about it ? Right now, not even Solitaire will bore me :-). So here goes.

Team members:
It is possible for you to form your own team comprising of drafters (race with you... find the best path to race), scouts (find hidden tracks and shortcuts for you), blockers (disable other competitors for you). Also you have a fabricator whose advice you can get to soup up your car to perform well. Race map:You race in a city on the coast with both the sea and the mountains nearby. Some race tracks take you through the mountains are pretty engaging, but still others are just throught eh city... mad speed. I am playing the game with a Porsche Cayman and the souped up version reaches speeds of 180 mph. There is not to much intelligent innovation as the car handling is no different at 120 and 180. And oh !! she is part of your 'team'.

Storyline:
Game story is pretty simple. The city is divided into 5 areas each controlled by a gang, and eveyry gang has a beef against you because of an incident that happened a few eyars back. You return and try to regain territory. There is a subplot which is a riddle about why certain policement singled you out and let you escape and about a bag of money carried by your girl friend. Very weak to say the least.

Racing:

Racing is pretty standard, there are six main kinds of races... drifts, speedtraps, circuits, laps and timed runs. Among these, speed traps are pretty interesting with your average speed going through checkpoints makes you the winner. Drifting is a bit more difficult in this game with some mountain paths letting you fall off the cliff while drifting. Thre are 'boss races' where you notch up points for following the area boss along pretty tough mountain paths.. and by keeping him behind you when you are leading. Those are some of the more interesting races in the game.

Free roam is a feature where you can try to evade cop cars and once they lose sight of you, safe houses spring up all over for you to enter. Street cred increases but there is no apparent improvement. Cars are pretty standard where you can choose between muscle, (high accel.) Tuner (high handling) and the european kind which has both in copious doses). Once you get a car that can reach 170 - 180, there is no way a cop car is goign to catch you. Cops show up more often later in thea game when you already have earned better cars. So it really does not make sense then.

Well I feel OK that I am playing the game. Maybe you will too.

Movie Review - Broken Flowers

2006-12-06T00:07:00.000-08:00

Bill Murray, veteran indoor scenery in a few Hollywood productions has expressed desire to start emoting in movies which would give him an opportunity to move his facial muscles. After accessorizing bar stools, leather couches and over-stuffed pillows in movies like Lost in Translation and especially Broken Flowers, Bill Murray (Movethat Thinghere to family) felt it was time to move on in his career.

“I have always been comfortable staring at air molecules and I now notice some of them strike my face. I think it is time for me to start reacting to those air molecules”, said Murray breaking his usual deadpan exterior by moving his lips almost one eighth of an inch. “In Broken Flowers, the leather couch I was sitting on posed a serious threat to my screen presence. That is not the Bill Murray you will be seeing now onwards”, he added emphatically.

“The inertia in Bill Murray’s performances is so high that it would take more than just one kilo Newton to lift his left eyebrow alone”, said noted physicist Alfrad Nobal. He added there was no need for studios to get alarmed as Chuck Norris is available free of charge to provide the necessary physical impetus to Murray’s jaw.

“Broken Flowers will be the last movie I will act as a middle aged loveless successful loser in search of a woman friend who will stay with me for the rest of the 3 months I will live”, Murray said before tasering himself for making such a decisive statement... bringing the interview to a sudden end, pretty much like the movie.

Rahul Dravid press conference.

2006-10-30T02:46:00.000-08:00

Rahul Dravid has done it again... He has very astutely pin-pointed the reason for their most recent failure. -

"The bowlers failed in the initial overs."

Awesome. I would never have guessed why India lost match against Australia if Dravid had not told me.

Also, he has said "This loss to Australia has been a good wake up call".. So what was this team's loss to West Indies and Australia in Malaysia? Was that just something the Indian team just hit the snooze button on?

So the loss to South Africa which is impending in the next two weeks.. will that be the reminder to brush their teeth and have breakfast? At this rate I think by the time they reach the World Cup the Indian team would be right on time to be reminded to have brunch. Well right now I would not regret if all of them die of hunger...

I have always been a fan of Rahul Dravid's press conferences. reminds me of a guy who used to work for my Friend's APpa

Friend's Appa : Yenda late?
Late Guy : Late Aiduchu saar
FA : Adhan da.. yean late???
LG : Late Aiduchu saar...

Or so the argument goes for the next 3 minutes... Rahul Dravid does not know the difference between an excuse and a reason. So when reporters are looking for reasons.. he gives excuses. What next ? Imagine this press conference after the assured South African debacle...

Dravid: We did not end up on the winnign side
Reporters : Why did you lose the match?
Dravid : Oh we lost the match...
Reporters : Really ? But why?
Dravid : Oh we lost the match....

I am waiting for that day.

Movie Review - Perarasu

2006-09-24T22:20:00.000-07:00

According to reliable sources... after his defeat in the elections, Vijayakanth has promised that he would act in four movies in one year for the sake of his fans. I am forever indebted to Vijayakanth for such a magnanimous move. I love my future life already.

Ok, I need to warn you. There are three basic qualities you would need to have to watch and enjoy this movie to the maximum,

Delayed onset of Maturity
Permanent Adolescence
Maladaptive behaviour

These 3 things are absolutely essential, and you will watch the movie atleast a dozen times.

Here are other reasons to watch this movie.
You get two Vijayakanths for the price of one !!!! What more do you want ?
Vijay1 fights Vijay2 !!! And the world survives !!! What more do you want ?
Vijay1 is a CBI abeesar !!!! What more do you want ?
Vijay2 is a villager out to take revenge !!! What more do you want ?
Vijay1 is amazingly scruplous and has photogrpaphic memory, can draw blind since he has evolved past teh stage of eyesight. He can also divide by zero for upto 3 decimal places. What more do you want ?
Vijay2 never sleeps, outruns a space ship on top gear, lifts a jeep with his tongue, pile drives it on a wiseguy and eats glass for pure exhileration. What more do you want ?
Vijay1 talks like he gobbled a ream of paper, chewed on some asparagus and had shit out Konar notes. What more do you want ?
Vijay2 responds with smart oneliners straight out of a Maniratnam movie. He never shakes his head and when he does the world better beware. What more do you want ?
Vijay2 falls faster than class four particles and the rules of physics dont apply to him. What more do you want ?
Vijay1 occupies 90% of screen time, and Vijay2 occupies 80% of screen time. Totally the movie is 170% Vijay. What more do you want ?
Vijay1 tells Vijay2 "kadaiseeya oru ambalaya sandhikkaren". And they start throwing nukes at each other.

Are you still sitting down ?